I Want To Be Special. Do You?

baby polar bear walking underneath grown up polar bearI think everyone wants to be special.  When I say that I want to be special it feels somehow WRONG.  There are all kinds of automatic negative thoughts that pop into my head when I say that.  Sometimes I hear specific people from my past telling me that I’m not special.  I thought I would share a tapping exercise that I used when caught in the confusion of wanting to be special but having an internal dialogue that it is wrong to want to be special.

illustration for karate chop pointSetup (on the karate chop point): I really do want to be special. My thoughts get all jumbled when I try to sort out what I really mean by that. I can see that my desire to be special in some way may be an attempt to elevate myself above others, but that doesn’t feel like the truth to me. I am open to understanding this aspect of myself more.  Even though I sometimes feel that wanting to be special is somehow wrong, I chose to love myself and accept myself anyway.  Even though I have mixed messages about wanting to be special, I chose to love myself and offer forgiveness to myself and to anyone else that has purposefully or accidentally contributed to these feelings.

Eyebrow…I want to be special

Side of Eye…I want to feel special

Under the Eye…Sometimes all it takes is for someone to be kind to me and I feel special

Chin…In my more lucid times I know that their kindness is really about them, not about me

Collarbone…I just like thinking it is about me

Under the Arm…I want other people to sometimes put what I want above what is easy for them

Top of Head…That makes me feel like I am special

Eyebrow…At least special enough to go out of their way for

Side of Eye…But again, that shows more about them than it does about me

Under the Eye…I suspect that I sometimes confuse feeling loved with being special

Under the Nose…Special is a very interesting word isn’t it

Chin…When I say that something is special to me I am assigning importance to it

Collarbone…In my mind, it doesn’t change the status of anything else

Under the Arm…If I were standing with another person and someone said the other person was special

Top of Head…I would wonder what was wrong with me that I wasn’t special too

Eyebrow…It is an interesting contrast

Side of Eye…I am open to knowing what this means

Under the Eye…O am open to experiencing “specialness” in a different way

Under the Nose…I resolve to be more careful in my allocation of specialness toward others so that feelings don’t get hurt

Chin…I’ve been taught that we are all special in God’s eyes

Collarbone…Then what does special mean

Under the Arm…I think in that case it just means that I am important to God

Top of Head…Am I ok with that definition

Eyebrow…No, not really

Side of Eye…But I am open to discovering more truth about this

Under the Eye…I choose to work to decrease my reliance on such arbitrary labels

Under the Nose…I choose to use labels, such as special, more carefully

Chin…I choose to embrace my uniqueness without needing to be “special”

Collarbone…I choose to embrace the uniqueness of others

Under the Arm…I do not need to diminish others in order to feel good about myself

Top of Head…I choose to think and act in ways that allow me to feel good about myself.

Take a deep breath and release it gently.  Has anything shifted?  I know I have a lot more work to do on this need to be or feel special but I did feel something shift when I did the tapping and it felt good.

Today I Faced The Marshmallow Fluff, and I Lost

This story came from Linda.  She said that she was tired, frustrated, and irritable after her difficult day.  As any good food addict will do – she turned to food.  She wasn’t proud of it, but that day she had faced the marshmallow fluff and it won.  Here is the way we started tapping.  Feel free to tap along.

illustration for karate chop point

Setup: (tapping the karate chop point) Even though I gave into temptation and ate marshmallow fluff by the spoonful today, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway. Even though I ate marshmallow fluff in response to being tired and frustrated, I choose to view myself with love and compassion. Even though I ate marshmallow fluff in secret so nobody would know, I choose to get back on track right now.

Eyebrow…I ate marshmallow fluff

Side of Eye…First I put some on my brownie

Under the Eye…Then I ate some on a spoon with some peanut butter

Nose…Then I just ate it off a spoon without anything else

Chin…Knowing that I still have these behaviors makes me feel so defeated sometimes

Collarbone…I wasn’t really hungry, but I was craving something sweet

Under the Arm…It was here, easy, and easy to hide

Top of Head…I didn’t eat enough to do a lot of damage to my diet

Eyebrow…But I did damage my confidence

Side of Eye…I also know that once I start, it is sometimes hard to stop

Under the Eye…It’s good to know that I can tap on that issue too if I need to

Nose…I am angry with myself for eating the fluff

Chin…I’m disappointed with myself for eating the fluff

Collarbone…I feel like a failure

Under the Arm…I feel like a fraud

Top of Head…The fluff won, and I hate that

In this case we just started where she was at the time.  The words of the setup statement state the truth of what happened, but also state where she wanted to end up –acceptance and able to get back on track. It wouldn’t have been beneficial to pretend that it didn’t happen.  During the rest of the tapping the behaviors were described but also some of the negative self talk about eating the fluff.  This part can be expanded to cover all of the feelings that come up.

For Linda it didn’t really take more than this.  As soon as she acknowledged the behavior and expressed her feelings about it while tapping she experienced considerable relief.  She told me later that she did additional tapping on the specific feeling of being a failure at another time and was able to get clarity and relief there too.

As you can see, the tapping doesn’t have to be complicated.  You just have to get started.

Tapping Exercise: I hate situps

I really like the idea of exercise.  I feel good about myself after I do exercise.  But I don’t like ALL exercise equally.  I really hate situps (or pretty much any other core exercise).

illustration for karate chop pointStart tapping on your karate chop point and use the setup statements below.

Setup: I really hate situps. I know that working on our core is crucial to having good health.  I just can’t seem to make myself do them. Even though I really hate situps and rarely do any core strengthening exercises, I choose to love and accept myself anyway. Even though I have definitely neglected my core, I deeply and completely love and accept that part of myself that is at least trying to do what my body needs.  Even though I really hate situps, I choose to be amazed by how easy they could seem in the future.

Eyebrow…I hate situps

Side of Eye…I really hate situps

Under the Eye…They are hard for me

Nose…I know that strengthening my core muscles would be a good thing

Chin…I know that doing situps or other exercises would help me lose even more weight

Collarbone…But I have been unable to make myself do them in the past

Under the Arm…What if there is a way to actually feel good about doing them?

Top of Head…What if they don’t have to be awful?

Eyebrow…I could focus on hos good those muscles feel to actually receive some attention

Side of Eye…I could focus on how my waist measurement is changing as I am faithful with my workouts

Under the Eye…I could use my situp time to acknowledge everything that I have to be grateful for

Nose…I could use my core workouts as a time to send positive energy to situations and people who are important to me

Chin…I am open to feeling more positive about working on my core muscles

Collarbone…I am hopeful that I can feel more confident in my ability to do situps and other core exercises

Under the Arm…It really wouldn’t add that much more time to my daily workouts

Top of Head…And I am excited to think that this workout could make me feel and look even better.

Tapping Exercise: Who I Am is Constantly Changing

Black-eyed-susans with Embrace New Beginnings signSay this statement aloud, “Who I am is constantly changing.” How true does that feel to you?  Rate it on a scale of 0-10 (10=very true) and write down your number.

Begin tapping on the karate chop point and say the setup statements.

Setup: Sometimes I am confused about who I am. It seems that who I am is constantly changing. When I think I know something about myself it feels really good. When I’m uncertain about something I feel somewhat unbalanced. Accepting the changing nature of who I am is uncomfortable to me.  In spite of this discomfort, I choose to love, honor, and accept myself.

Eyebrow…Who I am is constantly changing

Side of Eye…And that is ok

Under the Eye…Who I am is constantly changing

Nose…I am open to learning to accept those changes more gracefully

Chin…Who I am is constantly changing

Collarbone…I am choosing to see that changing nature as more positive than negative

Under the Arm…Who I am is constantly changing

Top of Head…But sometimes it still makes me feel uncomfortable

Eyebrow…Who I am is constantly changing

Side of Eye…Sometimes that fills me with joy

Under the Eye…Who I am is constantly changing

Nose…Perhaps evolving would be a more comfortable word

Chin…Who I am is constantly changing

Collarbone…I choose to see the positive aspects of my changes

Under the Arm…Who I am is constantly changing

Top of Head…Expecting and accepting that change is part of the process of life

Eyebrow…Who I am is constantly changing

Side of Eye…My ideas and viewpoints change as I learn new things

Under the Eye…Who I am is constantly changing

Nose…My feelings and thoughts change as situations unfold

Chin…Who I am is constantly changing

Collarbone…I’d like to think that my wisdom is expanding

Under the Arm…Who I am is constantly changing

Top of Head…I deeply and completely love and accept myself and choose to embrace my evolution.

 

Tapping Exercise – I Just Ate 3 Brownies: I’m such a failure

Have you ever eaten something you had decided you weren’t yummy chocolate brownie with chocolate drizzlegoing to eat or eaten more of them than you had intended?  Sadly, it happens to me more frequently than I would like.  What usually happens next is the thought “I might as well eat whatever I want because I already blew it.”  The tapping exercise below is a good way to help minimize the damage. These words will work for you, even if what you ate or when you ate it is slightly different.  Or, you can substitute your own words.

Say this statement and rate the intensity or how true it feels to you on a 0-10 scale (10=very true).  “I’m such a failure.”  Now say this one and rate it “I already blew it.”  Write down your numbers.

Tap on your karate chop point and use the setup statements.  Even though I just ate 3 brownies, and they definitely weren’t on my food plan for this afternoon, I choose to love and accept myself anyway.  Even though I ate 3 brownies while waiting for my lunch to cook, I choose to love and accept myself anyway.  Even though I feel like a failure since I ate those brownies, I choose to love and accept myself anyway.

Eyebrow…I just ate 3 brownies

Side of Eye…I can’t believe it

Under the Eye…I had been doing so well

Nose…This seems like a huge setback

Chin…Its not like I was really hungry

Collarbone…I am actually cooking lunch right now

Under the Arm…I’m nervous that it won’t be good

Top of Head…I’ve made two dishes that I’ve never made before

Eyebrow…That always makes me anxious

Side of Eye…But I’m also excited to see what happens

Under the Eye…I know that I often eat when I am nervous

Nose…But I’ve already blown my food plan

Chin…So I might as well eat whatever I want

Collarbone…There’s no point in controlling my food now

Under the Arm…I’ve already pointed the finger of guilt my way

Top of Head…I’m already wallowing in blame

Eyebrow…So I might as well eat.

Side of Eye…I already blew it

Under the Eye…I already ate something that is on my forbidden list

Nose…I ate way too much of it too

Chin…I might as well go ahead and eat whatever I want

Collarbone…That’s what quitters to

Under the Arm…I’m a guilty and shameful quitter

Top of Head…Ouch! That hurts!

Eyebrow…Sometimes I do give up

Side of Eye…Sometimes I don’t

Under the Eye…I don’t have to give up just because I made a mistake

Nose…I have options

Chin…I have choices

Collarbone…I already blew it might not be totally accurate

Under the Arm…I wouldn’t tell anyone else to give up just because of a simple error

Top of Head…I’m not going to tell myself that right now either

Eyebrow…I can start back on my food plan whenever I choose

Side of Eye…Including now

Under the Eye…This is just a setback

Nose…I can get back on track right now

Chin…In fact,, I am back on track right now

Collarbone…And I can stay back on track if I choose to

Under the Arm…I’ve been back on track for several minutes now

Top of Head…I am feeling better already.

 

Take a deep breath and let it out gently.  Say your original statements again and rate them.  Notice any shift you may have made.  If the intensity is still higher than a 3 or 4, keep tapping with the above examples or better yet, use your own words.  For many people there will be a shift to a slightly different thought, feeling or belief.  Feel free to continue tapping on the new thought or write it down for later work.

Happy Tapping!

Tapping Exercise – Nothing calms me down better than food

Start tapping on your karate chop point.  Say these words aloud: Nothing calms me down better than food. Even though nothing calms me down better than food, I don’t like what it does to my body. I am open to learning new ways of calming down.  I’m also open to learning more about the things that upset me so that I don’t even need to use food to calm myself.

Eyebrow…When I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food

Side of Eye…When I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food

Under the Eye…When I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food

Nose…When I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food

Chin…When I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food

Collarbone…When I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food

Under the Arm…When I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food

Top of Head…When I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food

Eyebrow…Food calms me down

Side of Eye…But it also is making me fat

Under the Eye…Food calms me down

Nose…And I often need to calm down

Chin…I get upset pretty often

Collarbone…And I use food to calm me down

Under the Arm…It is quick, easy, and painless

Top of Head…Well, maybe not painless

Eyebrow…Being overweight is definitely painful

Side of Eye…It is painful physically and emotionally

Under the Eye…I probably need to learn new ways to deal with my emotions

Nose…Food is quick, but the side effects are long

Chin…I can learn to manage my stress another way

Collarbone…I can learn to calm myself another way

Under the Arm…Even though I have used food to calm myself in the past

Top of Head…I am excited about the possibility of learning a new way

Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  What do you notice in your body?  Did anything shift or change?  What do you notice in your emotions?  If new thoughts and ideas popped up, keep tapping.

Tapping Exercise: Feeling Uncertain

Have you ever been stopped dead in your tracks because you didn’t know what to do? I have.  When this occurs, tapping can help.  As you will see in this sneak peak from Unleash Your Primal Power: Totem Tapping for Health and Happiness, it doesn’t have to be complicated to work well.

Use this setup phrase while tapping on your karate chop point: Even though I don’t know how to do this, I choose a path of wisdom.  Even though I don’t know how to do this, I choose a path of intellect. Even though I don’t know how to do this, I choose the path of discernment.

Eyebrow…I don’t know how to do this

Side of Eye…I don’t know how to do this

Under the Eye…I don’t know how to do this

Under the Nose…I don’t know how to do this

Chin…I don’t know how to do this

Collarbone…I don’t know how to do this

Under the Arm…I don’t know how to do this

Top of Head…I don’t know how to do this

Eyebrow…I don’t know how to do this

Side of Eye…I choose to learn

Under the Eye…I don’t know how to do this

Under the Nose…I choose to ask questions

Chin…I don’t know how to do this

Collarbone…I choose to learn more about it

Under the Arm…I don’t know how to do this

Top of Head…I am developing the skills I need to be successful

 

This may seem overly simplistic.  In reality it may be just what you need to get you started.  Give it a try.

Serving Others – Tapping Inspired by the Tao Te Ching

Does serving others seem like a good idea, but when it is time to actually do it you feel resistance?  The following tapping exercise is designed to help you begin to address any resistance you might feel.

Say these words while tapping on the karate chop point: When I think about serving others I get a little uncomfortable. The word “serve” really sticks in my throat.  I think of slavery, oppression, and ownership. I sometimes enjoy doing things for other people, but a resist if I feel I must.  I am choosing to tap now for more clarity about my resistance.  I am choosing to learn more about my motivations.  I am choosing to love and accept myself on this journey.

Eyebrow…The importance of serving others is something I’ve grown up with

Side of Eye…But I’ve also grown up with the concept of being used by others.

Under the Eye…That gets a little muddy in my head sometimes.

Under the Nose…I can’t even say that my motives are always altruistic when I am doing things for other people.

Chin…If I want them to feel gratitude am I really serving?

Collarbone…I don’t know.

Under the Arm…If I want them to remember what I’ve done for them am I really serving?

Top of Head…I don’t know.

Eyebrow…The motive seems to be more important that the action in this one.

Side of Eye…If that is the case, I have a long way to go.

Under the Eye…My behavior is much more in line with service than is my attitude.

Under the Nose…I do care about other people.

Chin…I’m not completely narcissistic and selfish.

Collarbone…I get pleasure from helping others.

Under the Arm…But if I’m getting pleasure from it am I really serving?

Top of Head…Do I have to be miserable to serve?

Eyebrow…Do I have to suffer to serve?

Side of Eye…Many of the great “servants” that I’ve been told about

Under the Eye…Had lots of bad things happen to them.

Under the Nose…I don’t really want that.

Chin…I don’t think this is something that I’m going to get the answer to.

Collarbone…I think this is one of those things where it is the journey that is important.

Under the Arm…I usually hate those.

Top of Head…I’d like some more guidelines please.

Eyebrow…How much service is enough?

Side of Eye…Can two acts of service balance out an afternoon of self-indulgence?

Under the Eye…I’m not totally serious about that, but I’m not totally kidding either.

Under the Nose…I want to get a little bit more comfortable with the idea.

Chin…I’d like to recognize more opportunities for service.

Collarbone…I’d like to think of others more often than I do now.

Under the Arm…I guess that is progress.

Top of Head…I choose to remain open to more clarity and understanding about serving others.

Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  Notice how you feel.  Were there questions that popped into your mind?  Were there moments of clarity?  Write them down.  They could be inspiration for more tapping later.