Book Review – Mars and Venus in the Bedroom

SEX. Now that’s a word that gets your attention. Men and women spend great amounts of time thinking about sex, wishing for sex, having sex, and complaining about sex. Few couples have the skills to discuss, request, or negotiate sex successfully.  Couples also don’t appear to understand why sexual expression is so problematic.

Would you like to learn about sex and passion, increase your sexual confidence, rekindle passion, and keep romance alive?  If so, consider reading Mars and Venus in the Bedroom by John Gray.  This is an older book but continues to be relevant today.  Dr. Gray’s books are easy to read, but be forewarned, he writes about sex, sexuality, and intimacy with the same candor that you would expect of a weather report.  Perhaps that is the important first lesson of this book.

Book Review – The Too Precious Child: Letting Go of the Super-Parent Syndrome

The Too Precious Child was written by Dr. Lynne Williams, Dr. Henry Berman, and Louisa Rose. It has been a mainstay in my tool kit for helping parents with a variety of issues.  I consider it to be one of the most important books busy parents in our culture can read, particularly if they are striving for strong parenting skills. If you answer yes to any of these questions, this book is for you.

  • As a parent, have you vowed never to let your child lack for anything?
  • Did you have your first child at or beyond the age of thirty?
  • Were there obstacles to conceiving your child?
  • Was your child adopted or premature?
  • Does it bother you when your child is bored, messy, or less than an A student?
  • Are you a single parent?
  • Is your child artistically, athletically, or intellectually gifted?
  • Do you always put your children’s needs first? Before your mate’s? Before your own?

It looks like this book is only available through second hand retailers, but is worth the search.

Book Review: Dreamsong of the Eagle

Dreamsong of the Eagle was written by the late Ted Andrews and illustrated by Deborah Hayner. I had the great fortune of hearing this book recited by the author at a local gathering.  I was tremendously excited when he took the stage and then was even more enthralled when I realized that he was going to tell this story.

It was written in the form of a fairy tale about two children in a small village who are challenged in various ways.  Each turned to the woods as a place of safety. The animals made them feel accepted and whole.

One day they found an injured eagle and their lives changed forever.  The eagle said, “From this day forth your home will be among the woods and streams. Your family will be the creatures that abound within the world. Never more will you be outcast.”

This is a story of inclusion, acceptance, and love and a much needed lesson for our world today.

Book Review – Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

While traveling through Arizona many years ago I read Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism by Dawn Prince-Hughes, Ph.D. As the secondary title indicates, this is a first-hand account of autism. The author offers a vivid and insightful account of autism.

She was diagnosed rather late in her life, after a childhood punctuated by misunderstanding and isolation. Fortunately, she was able to learn about human socialization and relationships through her keen observation of gorilla communities. She writes, “This is a book about autism. Specifically, it is about my autism, which is both like and unlike other people’s autism. But just as much, it is a story about how I emerged from the darkness of it into the beauty of it. It is about how I moved full circle from being a wild thing out of context as a child, to being a wild thing in context with a family of gorillas, who taught me how to be civilized. They taught me the beauty of being wild and gentle together and as one.”

While there are many excellent texts about Asperger’s Syndrome and autism, this was the first book I read that described it from the inside. Dr. Prince-Hughes is eloquent in her poetry and prose. She describes confusion, rage, fear, and joyful discovery in a way that touches the reader’s heart and heightens understanding. Instead of lists of characteristics or clinical observations, this book placed the experience into context. My understanding has certainly been expanded by this book. I am hopeful that it will change my acceptance of the more “annoying” behaviors often associated with autism. It is harder to remain annoyed when I remember that the strong need for repetition exhibited by persons with autism can be the result of anxiety or panic. Dr. Prince-Hughes had this to say, “Most autistic people need order and ritual and will find ways to make order where they feel chaos. So much stimulation streams in, rushing into one’s body without ever being processed: the filters that other people have simply aren’t there. Swimming through the din of the fractured and the unexpected, one feels as if one were drowning in an ocean without predictability, without markers, without a shore. It is like being blinded

There are also examples of wonderful and intricate coping mechanisms. She used a formula to get along with people in the workplace. This included talking about her skills a third of the time, talking with colleagues about how their interests mergered for a third of the time, and talking about current events and “softened” opinions about them a third of the time. This had to be approached consciously. She also counted seconds to know how long to look into another person’s eyes and when to look away. Each of these required deliberate practice and application.

This book is a great source of information, but is also an incredibly engaging autobiography. Dr. Prince-Hughes has a wonderful command of language. Consider this self description, “I am an individual. I am different, for reasons germane to the phenomenon of autism and reasons mundane. All that is in between and at both ends have made my life. Within these pages, an archaeology cleared of dust and fear, I talk about this life. It is the archaeology of a culture of one.”

I’ve Been Such A Good Girl

When I first published this article several years ago the title was I’ve Been Such A Good Girl – I think I’d like to poison myself today.  That title sounds very provocative doesn’t it? But that is exactly what I was doing almost every day.  I would reward myself for good behavior with substances that poison my body and strengthen the cravings for that poison.  If I was good I would reward myself with ice cream.  Although I learned to eat smaller portions, it was still essentially a poison in my body.  If I had been really good I would reward myself with a slice of carrot cake from my favorite gluten free bakery.  OK, it was gluten free, but it still had so many calories that it was bad for by body and my health.  In addition, once I would eat it I was out of control for the rest of the day.

While I no longer look forward to opportunities to hurt my body, I have slipped back into the habit of thinking of unhealthy foods as rewards or eating larger portions than my body can handle.  There are so many “diets” out there that build in opportunities for unhealthy indulgences.  While that may help to overcome the feelings of deprivation that derail so many eating plans, it still doesn’t address the obsession with certain foods and messed up priorities. (Such as ice cream being more important than health.)

Its not like I’ve ever been really hungry and am reacting to that memory of hunger with overindulgence. I’m not hoarding food because I am preparing for a day of famine.  Someday I hope to wake up from the nightmare of food addiction.  It would be so cool to just eat when I’m hungry, eat the food my body needs, and stop looking forward to opportunities for unhealthy food.

I did pretty well for the last several years until a period of very high physical and emotional stress knocked me out of balance and I found myself again craving foods that I know are not in my best interest.  I haven’t started eating foods that I am allergic to, but those unhealthy foods that I am not officially allergic to have crept back into my pantry and my body.  I fell prey to the “anything in moderation” wisdom that is so prevalent.

The truth – at least my truth – is that I can’t handle eating some foods.  They change how I feel, how I think, and how my body functions.  If you share this experience I’d love to hear from you.

Book Review – Spirit Woman: The Teachings of the Shields

I’m not sure when I purchased the book, or how long it had been on my shelf before I finally got around to reading it.  It was probably sitting there for quite a while. I have a habit of letting books call to me at the time of sale, but not necessarily reading thenm promptly.

Spirit Woman, by Lynn Andrews, was actually written as a sequel to Medicine Woman but it easily stands on its own. Lynn describes her teachings from Agnes Whistling Elk and Ruby Plenty Chiefs through the spiritual tool of medicine shields.

Lynn’s education is definitely “experiential” rather than a lecture format that we are so used to in suburban educational systems. Lynn’s teachers set up situations that required much of her beyond simple demonstrations of skill or knowledge. These learning experiences challenged her to become something different and to become aware of her own abilities, fears, and constricted beliefs.

The author’s writing style allows you to feel at times as if you are sitting at the table, experiencing the darkness, or knowing the joy. It is amazing to realize that this is a true story. During each chapter I questioned whether or not I could have done the things that Lynn did.  I wonder, could you?

Low Energy

Not having much energy is a common problem for most of us.  Below is a tapping exercise that may help to improve the situation. When I first used this one, lots of other issues popped up that needed tapping as well.  You may want to have your tapping journal handy to jot down some notes.

If you are new to tapping, check out the Tapping Points video on the Meridian Tapping page before moving on.

Rate this statement on a 0-10 scale where 0=not true at all and 10=completely true, “I have low energy.”  Write down the number.

Say these statements while tapping on the karate chop point: I don’t seem to have much energy lately. It is hard to get going and even harder to keep going.  I just don’t seem to have the stamina I used to have and I want it back.  Even though I’m lacking energy I love and accept myself completely. Even though I have no stamina, I am open to loving myuself anyway.  Even though I have much less energy than what I think I need, I choose to accept myself just as I am.

Eyebrow…No energy

Side of Eye…Low energy

Under the Eye…Lack of energy

Nose…No stamina

Chin…Not enough to get going

Collarbone…Not enough to keep going either

Under the Arm…No energy

Top of Head…Need more energy

Eyebrow…No stamina

Side of Eye…I want more stamina

Under the Eye…I really miss having energy and stamina

Nose…It is bothering me

Chin…I am committed to improving my energy

Collarbone…I am open to raising my energy level

Under the Arm…I am eager to understand my current energy

Top of Head…I accept myself with or without energy and stamina

 

Take a deep breath and release it gently.  Now say the statement again “I have low energy.”  Rate it on the 0-10 scale.  Has there been a change?  Did any other thoughts come up?  If the rating number is lower, you can tap on those new thoughts or continue tapping with statements similar to the ones above.