Do you ever feel like giving up because dieting is too hard? I think we have all felt that way, not just about dieting, but about a lot of things. This short tapping may be just what you need to renew your motivation for self care.
Setup (Karate Chop Point): Even though it feels like dieting is just to hard, I am open to considering baby steps that could make a difference for me. Even though it feels like dieting is just too hard, I choose to remember that I don’t have to do it all at once. Even though is feels like dieting is just too hard, I love and accept myself anyway.
Eyebrow…Dieting is just too hard
Side of Eye…I don’t want to do anything that is so hard
Under the Eye…It is just too hard
Under the Nose…It seems overwhelming to me
Chin…It is so hard that I don’t think I can even face it
Collarbone…Dieting is just too hard
Under the Arm…It is too hard
Top of Head…Dieting is way too hard
Eyebrow…Dieting is so very hard
Side of Eye…But I am open to some baby steps towards my goals
Under the Eye…Dieting seems way too hard
Under the Nose…But I don’t have to do it all at once
Chin…Dieting is just too hard
Collarbone…I choose to love and accept myself anyway
Under the Arm…I am open to the possibility that it could be easier than I think
Top of Head…I choose to look for the possibility of success
This probably sounds more like advice for a sporting endeavor rather than parenting advice, although I could make a good case that parenting is a sporting event. What I am really speaking about here is the need to set things up as much as possible so that kids are able to do what we want them to rather than waiting until they mess up so we can punish them.
For example, if Mark always runs away from his mom when she takes him with her to the grocery store, why does she take him with her? When I ask mom that, she is likely to tell me that she doesn’t have any other choice or that he begged to come with her and promised he wouldn’t do it this time. While sometimes there really is no other choice, most of the time we can come up with other options such as paying a babysitter, trading off babysitting with a friend or family member, or asking someone else to pick up what you need from the store. Believing Mark’s promise is a setup for failure.
Consider Bethany who generally irritates and annoys her playmates in the first 30 minutes when they get together because of her bossiness and tantrums. Her mom and dad know this, but continue to schedule play dates for her and allow her to play for extended periods of time with only intermittent supervision until the real fighting and yelling starts between Bethany and her friends.
In both of these cases, the parents need to take a more active role in supervision and decision-making. The case of Bethany may be a bit easier. Bethany’s parents need to schedule shorter playtimes until Bethany can demonstrate that she can handle extended visits from her friends. Bethany’s parents also need to remain present to actively supervise Bethany’s play and teach her better ways to interact with her peers. Think of the teaching, interacting, limit-setting, and supervision as the offensive plan for more prosocial behavior in Bethany’s future. Of course the goal is to gradually decrease the amount of parental intervention, but only when she is ready to handle it.
For Mark, mom may need to set up situations in which she takes him with her, but has planned for a clear exit at the first sign of his misbehavior. Expectations are reviewed prior to going into the store. If he breaks a rule, mom takes him out of the store immediately and he experiences consequences as soon as possible. He is not allowed to try again for at least the next 5 visits mom makes to the store. A visual chart to show him how long he must wait because of his behavior might be helpful. Alternatively, someone else could be designated to remove Mark from the store and take him home to wait for mom while she continues shopping. Again, Mark experiences consequences immediately for his behavior and is not allowed to try again for a specified time.
In both of these cases, there is significant pre-planning and energy on the parents’ part. You may also see these as punishments, and in some sense you would be right. For Mark, there are definite consequences for misbehavior, but he is not allowed to continue bad behavior once it begins. Further, there is a predetermined plan for dealing with the anticipated behavior rather than a blind hope that it won’t occur again this time. For Bethany, there is an emphasis on more structure and limits that acknowledges her current level of function and does not allow her the opportunity to exceed her ability to cope.
With a good offense, you could expect significantly more parental satisfaction and reduced stress. Does this sound overwhelming? Learn meridian tapping to reduce your distress.
This tapping seemed appropriate since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. It is a day that highlights both the good and the not so good about being in a relationhip. Although we seem to want intimate relationships, they can be quite stressful. This is an area where people tend to judge whether their feelings are justified PRIOR to deciding to tap. I urge you to begin tapping without judgement.
Say this statement aloud “My husband (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, significant other, etc) never pays enough attention to me.” Rate the intensity on the 0-10 point scale and record your rating.
Tap on your karate chop point and repeat these setup statements. “Even though my husband doesn’t pay attention to me the way I want him to, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though my husband has been a selfish jerk lately and hasn’t paid much attention to me, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I want more attention from my hsuband and I don’t know how to get it from him, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
Eyebrow…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Side of Eye…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Under the Eye…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Under the Nose…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Chin…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Collarbone…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Under the Arm…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Top of Head…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Take a deep breath and let it out gently. Continue with the following reminder phrases at each of the tapping spots
Eyebrow…My husband never pays enough attention to me
Side of Eye…And I need his attention
Under the Eye…It feels like he doesn’t care about me at all
Under the Nose…I do all kinds of things for him
Chin…But he doesn’t do anything for me
Collarbone…I know that is not really true
Under the Arm…He does things for me
Top of Head…Just not the things I want him to do right now
Eyebrow…I’m not getting what I want from him
Side of Eye…And, rather than tell him what I want
Under the Eye…I want him to guess
Under the Nose…That’s not working so well for me
Chin…I want his attention and I’m afraid to just ask for it
Collarbone…I wonder what it is that I really want or need right now?
Under the Arm…Asking for what I want or need is the best thing I could do
Top of Head…I feel relieved to realize that my husband does pay attention to me and I choose to feel empowered to ask to have my needs met.
Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Check the intesnity of your original problem statement, “My husband never pays enough attention to me.” Notice any changes and make notes for future tapping. This is a complex topic and likely to need some additional tapping to resolve all of the aspects. This tapping is an adaptation of one found in Tap It Away: 10 Minutes to Freedom With EFT.
What kinds of excuses do you use to skip out on exercise? I’ve heard (and used) many creative excuses. One of my favorites is “If I exercise now I will be too tired later.” This tapping script is to help eliminate this excuse and get you (and me) back on track.
Setup (Karate Chop Point): Even though I am avoiding exercise right now, I love and accept myself anyway. Even though I am worried that I will be too tired later if I exercise now, I acknowledge that I am a work in progress. Even though I am worried that I will be too tired to do the rest of the things I have planned for my day if I exercise now, I know that I can change this negative way of thinking.
Eyebrow…If I exercise now I wil be too tired later
Side of Eye…I am already tired
Under the Eye…How can I do the things I need to do if I exercise now?
Under the Nose…I know I am just making excuses
Chin…But they seem to have worked for me before
Collarbone…At least they have worked to keep me from exercising
Under the Arm…This excuse hasn’t helped me to get any healthier
Top of Head…I know that it isn’t even true
Eyebrow…When I do exercise I am tired for a little while
Side of Eye…And then I have even more energy
Under the Eye…When I exercise regularly
Under the Nose…My energy level stays up
Chin…This is just a negative message my brain has made up
Collarbone…To keep me right where I am
Under the Arm…It isn’t a good message
Top of Head…It isn’t even a true message
Eyebrow…This is a message I could ignore
Side of Eye…Sometimes my brain tells me things that aren’t true
Under the Eye…Things like “I’m hungry” right after I’ve eaten
Under the Nose…Or things like “If you eat sugar you’ll feel better”
Chin…Sometimes these messages are really hard to ignore
Collarbone…It is exciting when I can tell the difference
Under the Arm…I am learning to be better about making decisions based on my goals
Top of Head…I may not be excited about exercising right now, but I don’t have to worry about being too tired later
Do you feel like exercising? Go work out while your motivation is high. Did a new excuse crop up? Keep tapping on each excuse and hopefully gain clarity about your real reasons for avoiding exercise.
This tapping and others like it can be found in Don’t Diet: Reprogram Your Weight With Meridian Tapping. I’d love to hear your feedback.
The ostrich is a totem for wisdom. How do you react to others who have more experience than you do? Do you invite and welcome their wisdom into your life or do you insist on figuring everything out yourself? Do you rely to much on others rather than trusting in your own wisdom? This short tapping exercise may help you become more aware of your issues in this area.
Setup (Karate Chop Point): Having others aroun dis important to me. Being able to learn from their experience and draw upon their wisdom when I am faced with new challenges or overwhelming situations is really beneficial. Also, there really is safety in numbers. I’m feeling pretty isolated right now, but I love and accept myself anyway. I want the safety of my herd. I love and accept myself. I crave the wise counsel of others. I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Eyebrow…I feel like an ostrich
Side of Eye…Seeking safety in numbers
Under the Eye…And attempting to protect myself
Under the Nose…By hanging out with the crowd
Chin…Watching how others handle things
Collarbone…Is how I learn
Under the Arm…I need to be careful about who I watch
Top of Head…I can learn what works
Eyebrow…And I can learn what doesn’t
Side of Eye…I just have to be smart enough
Under the Eye…To know the difference
Under the Nose…I feel like an ostrich
Chin…That can be good or not so good
Collarbone…I like having a group around me
Under the Arm…It keeps me safe
Top of Head…It helps me grow
As I noted before, this was a short tapping just to get your own thoughts and feelings moving. Write down any thoughts or feelings that you noticed while tapping. Are there specific situations in which you sought out the safety of the crowd that didn’t go as well as you wanted? Tap about those. Were there situations in which you chose to follow the example that was a what not to do instead of a what to do? Those would be good to tap about as well.
Believe it or not, this is a very old tapping exercise, but it seems appropriate for today’s social climate. It was included in a chapter about current stressors in my first book Tap It Away: 10 Minutes to Freedom with EFT. This tapping is about the intense emotions people experience when talking about politics.
Some people may actually be afraid to do this tapping because they equate the decrease in intense emotions with lack of conviction. Tapping on the intense emotions will not take away your conviction but it will allow for better control and more ease around others that may believe differently than you do.
The story begins with Joe, a normally reasonable and mild-mannered man who was having difficulty at family gatherings because his political views were radically different from those of other family members. Joe and his wife actually dreaded holidays such as Thanksgiving where there was extended contact that allowed ample time for such discussions. Joe really wanted to be able to control his emotions better when family members disagreed with him, failed to listen to his views, or even provoked him to just get a reaction. Tapping was a perfrect tool for the situation.
Is this scenario something you can relate to? Let’s tap.
Say this problem statement aloud, “I can’t handle it when other people don’t respect my political views.” Rate the intensity (or truth) of this statement on a 0-10 scale (10 is very true). Write down your number.
Say these setup statements while tapping on the karate chop point: Even though I can’t handle it when other people don’t respect my political views, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I get really angry when other people don’t agree with my political views, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though it feels like other people aren’t respecting my political views when they disagree with me, and I don’t handle it very well, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and all of my feels on this subject.
Eyebrow…I can’t handle it when other people don’t respect my political views
Side of Eye…I get pretty upset when others disagree with my politics
Under the Eye…It is dangerous to discuss politics with anyone that doesn’t agree with my view
Under the Nose…Because I can’t handle it
Chin…I’m so sure that my political views are right
Collarbone…That I can’t handle it when anyone has a different opinion
Under the Arm…I can’t handle it when anyone can’t see the value of my political views
Top of Head…I can’t handle any challenge to my political views without getting very upset
Take a deep breath and let it out. Check the intensity of your original problem statement “I can’t handle it when other people don’t respect my political views.” Record your new rating. Continue tapping with these statements until your intensity rating is low. Once your rating is below a 3 or 4, feel free to move on to the positive affirmation reminder phrases below.
Eyebrow…Even though I can’t handle it when other people don’t respect my political views right now
Side of Eye…I am trying to maintain an open mind
Under the Eye…Even though I haven’t been able to handle it as well as I would like in the past
Under the Nose…I am open to feeling more comfortable with challenges to my views in the future
Chin…Even though I’m pretty convinced that I am right
Collarbone…I am trying to be okay with others’ opinions
Under the Arm…Even when I feel they are wrong
Top of Head…I love and respect my own views and calmly allow allows to have their views.
Take a deep breath and let it out gently. Check the intensity of your original problem statement “I can’t handle it when other people don’t respect my political views.” Write down your new rating.
If politics is one of your stressors, be sure to notice what additional thoughts and feelings come up and write them down for future tapping. It may be important for you to tap on those additional issues.
Unfortunately I am no stranger to feeling out of control with food. It is a huge issue that I have not completely eliminated. Fortunately the fear of of losing control is something that rarely sneaks up on me, so when I first notice it I can usually find relief in tapping. What follows is a short tapping that you can use when you start to worry about losing control.
Setup (Karate Chop Point): Even though I am afraid I will lose control if confronted with any of my favorite foods, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I am afraid that I will lose control and eat too much or eat foods that are not healthy for me, I choose to focus on loving myself and my healthy body instead. Even though I am afraid that I will lose control and eat like a pig, I choose to feel calm and confident, even twhen those comfort foods are readily available.
Eyebrow…I am afraid I will lose control
Side of Eye…I am afraid I will eat like a pig
Under the Eye…I am afraid my food plan will go right out the window
Under the Nose…I can’t control myself around those foods
Chin…I am afraid I will lose control
Collarbone…I am afraid I will eat too much
Under the Arm…I am afraid I will eat unhealthy foods
Top of Head…I am afraid I will lose control
Continue with these or similar phrases until you feel relief
Did you benefit from this tapping? I’d love to hear about your success.
Who likes the feeling of deprivation? I certainly don’t. Dread related to feeling deprived can stop
people from making positive changes in their diet, particularly if they currently
partake in something known to be less than healthy or even dangerous. Today’s tapping is short, but is a starting
place for addressing the fear of deprivation.
Say this statement aloud, “I will feel deprived if I cannot
eat my favorite foods.” How true does
that feel to you? Rate it on the 0-10 scale
(10=is very strong or very true.)
Setup (Karate Chop Point): Even though I am afraid of how I
will feel if I don’t eat my favorite foods. I choose to love and accept myself
anyway. Even though I am sure I will feel deprived without my favorite foods, I
am hopeful that I can find other sources of pleasure in my life. Even though the fear of deprivation is very
strong for me, I am beginning to consider small diet changes that will help me
to be healthy and happy.
Eyebrow…I feel deprived
Side of Eye…I want to eat my favorite foods
Under the Eye…I don’t want to feel deprived
Under the Nose…I need to eat or I will feel deprived
Chin…I will do anything to avoid that feeling
Collarbone…This deprivation
Under the Arm…Fear of deprivation
Top of Head…This strong feeling of deprivation
Say the original statement again, “I will feel deprived if I
cannot eat my favorite foods?” How true
does that feel to you now? Did specific
foods pop in your mind? Continue tapping
about how it would feel to not eat those foods or to eat them less often. Did your mind drift to specific thoughts,
feelings, or sensations related to deprivation?
Continue tapping about how much you want to avoid those thoughts,
feelings, and sensations.
Did
you know that there are more than 10,000 ant species? I didn’t. I knew that there were red ones, brown ones,
black ones, ants that bite, and ants that don’t. Ants are social insects and usually live in
communities that have a queen ant. The
worker ants are female. They have no
wings, don’t reproduce, but have many duties within the colony such as foraging
for food, caring for the queen’s baby ants, and protecting the community. Male ants have only one job – making baby
ants with the queen. After they are done
with that task they usually die.
Not
very long ago I had an interesting infestation of ants in my kitchen. Actually it really wasn’t an infestation with
swarms of ants everywhere; it was more of a semi-constant trickle. I did some cleaning and they seemed to be
gone. That lasted about 3 hours then I
saw another one walking across the kitchen floor. A few hours later I saw one walking across a kitchen
counter.
I
don’t harbor an intense dislike of ants and I don’t usually go out of my way to
kill them if they are outside, but I don’t want them on my kitchen counters or
in my drawers, and I don’t want to squish them under my bare feet when walking
in the kitchen. Since they broke our “agreement”
to stay outside I decided to spray the baseboards to try to stop them from
coming in. That lasted for about 8
hours, then more ants.
While
this ant battle was going on I was also having some struggles at work. I felt that I was being treated as insignificant,
not being allowed to exercise my own judgment and creativity, and just felt
that I was generally not appreciated. ON the inside I was rebelling about all
of this as was trying to assert my individualism within a culture that clearly
doesn’t value that.
The
ants kept coming and I continued to feel dissatisfied. One morning while doing
my lap swim I had the thought, “what if the ants are acting as one of my
totems?” I started thinking about the ant characteristics that I’ve been
writing about and became even more sure of it.
I phoned a friend and shared my insight, thinking that it was hilarious
that I had overlooked this possibility and quipped, “wouldn’t it be hysterical
if the ants were gone when I get home?” After all, I had finally received the
message about being industrious, fitting in, stamina, and perseverance.
When
I got home the ants were indeed gone. I’m
sure that I have more work to do pertaining to managing employment while
nurturing my own dreams. I am glad the ants were persistent and that I finally
caught on. It does make me wonder how
many other times there have been animal totems willing to point me in the right
direction, but I somehow missed out on getting the message.
Tapping
Meditation
To
get started, lets do a tapping meditation to get in touch with some of the
characteristics associated with ants and to get ready for whatever messages
ants might have for you.
Eyebrow
Ant
Side of Eye
Social
Under the Eye
Ant
Under the Nose
Colony
Chin
Ant
Collarbone
Solves complex problems
Under the Arm
Ant
Top of Head
Interactive
Eyebrow
Ant
Side of Eye
Industrious
Under the Eye
Ant
Under the Nose
Cooperative effort
Chin
Ant
Collarbone
Hard work
Under the Arm
Ant
Top of Head
Group-minded
Eyebrow
Ant
Side of Eye
Perseverance
Under the Eye
Ant
Under the Nose
Self discipline
Chin
Ant
Collarbone
Teamwork
Under the Arm
Ant
Top of Head
Orderly
Eyebrow
Ant
Side of Eye
Stamina
Under the Eye
Ant
Under the Nose
Honor
Chin
Ant
Collarbone
What message to you have for me?
Under the Arm
Ant
Top of Head
Open to the message of ants
Keep tapping while considering the knowledge, experiences,
and meaning that the ant may have for you. Be sure to write down any thoughts,
beliefs, or feelings that arise when you have finished the tapping meditation.
Which characteristics of the ant would you want more of? Which characteristics
do you have in abundance?
For me, the ant is a fairly neutral symbol. I was raised on the image of ants being a nuisance
when they visit a picnic. I have also
seen the painful bites or stings from fire ants. I’ve been intrigued by ant hills and loved
the movie Ants. I even had an ant farm
when I was growing up.
Ants are actually pretty important in Native American
culture and lore. The Hope, Pueblo, and Akimal O’odham tribes have Ant Clans.
The Cherokee celebrate with an Ant Dance. In the Cahuilla creation myth ants spread the
earth out for people and animals to live upon. In a Hopi myth the ant people
provided shelter to the humans during the destruction of the First World. The industriousness and cooperative spirit
associated with ants is often the focus of these stories.
Ants are also a common feature in literature. Ants are mentioned in the Bible and in the
Quran. Ants were featured in A Tramp
Abroad by Mark Twain, The Once and Future King by T.H. White, Les Fourmis by
Bernard Werber, and The Empire of the Ants by H.G. Wells. Do you remember the cartoon Atom Ant? Did you have an ant farm when you were
growing up? Did you play the game Ants
in the Pants? Maybe you are more
familiar with the movies Antz by Dream Works Animation in which Z-4195 longs
for the opportunity to express himself or the movie A Bugs Life from Pixar
Animation Studios in which the misfit ant Flik fancies himself to be an individualist
and inventor.
The above selection was from my upcoming book Unleash Your Primal Power: Totem Tapping for Health and Happiness. If you read my first book Tap It Away: 10 Minutes to Freedom With EFT you might remember that there was a chapter devoted to using animal characterstics to guide tapping on personality characteristics and change. The upcoming book is an expansion of the concept.
As we continue our resolutions related to food, exercise, and health in 2019 we will continue to use tapping to increase our odds of success. The next tapping exercise begins to address some of the emotional reasons we eat. In this case it is the feeling that food is our friend. For some people, food may feel like their only friend.
Say this statement aloud, “Food is my only friend.” How true does that feel to you? It may be a stronger feeling on some days than others. Rate it on the 0-10 scale (10=is very strong or very true.)
Setup (Karate Chop Point): Even though it feels sometimes
like food is my only friend, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
anyway. Even though I eat junk food when
I am lonely, and I am afraid of losing my only friend if I stop eating, I
choose to find other ways to manage this feeling. Even though it is terrifying to think of
changing my relationship with my food/friend.
I am open to a new way of being.
Eyebrow…Food is my friend
Side of Eye…How can I give that up?
Under the Eye…Sometimes I think food is my only friend
Under the Nose…I have no idea what I would do instead of
eating when I feel lonely
Chin…Even the thought makes me want to eat more
Collarbone…Food feels like my best friend
Under the Arm…Everyone wants a best friend
Top of Head…And it’s always there when I need it
Eyebrow…Food never lets me down
Side of Eye…I always feel better when I eat ice cream or
chocolate
Under the Eye…At least for a little while
Under the Nose…Later I feel pretty bad
Chin…I am open to others ways of handling these feelings
Collarbone…Food is just food
Under the Arm…It is ok to enjoy it, but I can learn how to
handle these other feelings in different ways
Top of Head…Feelings are just feelings, and I can handle
them.
Say the original statement again, “Food is my only
friend.” How true does that feel to you
now? Did other thoughts or feelings come
up? Did you find yourself arguing with
any of the statements? Those are great
opportunities to continue your tapping on this issue until the truth of the
original statement is very low.