When I write abgout the power of choice, I’m not just referring to the pleasure of having choices (e.g. strawberry, chocolate, or vanilla ice cream), but also the awareness of having choices, even if we choose not not take them. We often forget that there really are choices, and we use words like “have to”, “must”, and “can’t” which further enhance our feeling of being stuck, trapped or helpless. That is never a good mental/emotional place from which to make decisions.
Instead, I recommend approaching decisions with all of the possible responses in front of you, even the ones you are sure you will eventually reject for moral or societal reasons. They are still choices. So, the first step is to list all of the choices. The second step is to weigh the pros and cons of EVERY ONE of those choices. These two steps together increase creative problem-solving, provide a clear rationale for the choice of response eventually selected, and keep reminding you that these are choices you are making.
It is much more difficult when you are choosing between two or three less than optimal choices, but still a choice. And the improved creative problem solving also allows you to see options that weren’t really obvious when you were still feeling that there were no choices. I encourage you to include the ridiculous in your choices list. The bigger the list the better.
I don’t want to go to the office party but I have to. Really? You could run away from home and live in a cave. You could say you have COVID (I know lots of people use this one). You could schedule some other event that means you can only stay at the part for 30 minutes instead of 3 hours. You could pay someone to sabatoge your car so you can’t get there. You could just not go and deal with the consequences. You could go and sit there and read a book. Get my point?
Our wording is also important and can have an impact on our choices and how we feel about our options. Here are some examples :
- I have to go to work vs I choose to go to work because I value my paycheck.
- I can’t eat chocolate vs I choose not to eat chocolate because I don’t like what it does to my skin.
- I have to work out vs I choose to ride my exercise bike because I don’t want to have another knee surgery and riding the bike keeps the joint flexible.
I use this method all of the time and find it helpful. In addition, I like to consider what attitude I would like to have while implementing these choices.
TO DO LIST
Dishes – I feel more centered and calm when my kitchen is clean – Attitude satisfied
Take dogs to the Vet – although inconvenient I value them as loving members of my family. I feel strongly that it is a covenant I made with them. Attitude loving.
Listen to playback of my voice lesson from Monday – Learning to protect my voice when performing will allow me to continue singing as I age and enhance my ability to communicate God’s love to others. Attitude joyful.
Write letter to Mary – I love her and want her to know and feel it. We have chosen hand written letters because of the intimacy and intentionality even though it takes more time. Attitude gratitude for staying in touch with my very first friend.
Chart reivews – Fulfilling my commitments is important to me. Attitude competent and efficient.
Practice piano quartet – I made a commitment and my decisions will impact other people. I want them to know that they can rely on me. Also, accepting this challenge will help me brush off some piano skills I’ve let go dormant. Attitude confident, enthusiastic, curious
Harp practice – playing the harp fills me with joy. Right now I also want to feel really confident with my setlist for the memorial service so that it can touch the hearts of those that attend. Attitude joyful, and gratitude that I have a harp and can play it, service to others.
I don’t do this kind of a comprehensive list every day. But I do it on days when I’m seeing everything as a chore or burden, and when I feel overwhelmed. It helps me shift my attitude about the things I’m doing, reminds me that the things on my list are a choice, and sometimes helps me prioritize my day.
If you give it a try I’d love to hear about it.