Preparation or Anxiety

overwhelm

So many people tell me they are anxious, troubled with worry, or filled with dread. These people also have been led to believe that these feelings are inevitable, uncontrollable, and somehow justified. This always makes me sad. Part of the challenge is how we define those words. Another challenge is the way we’ve been taught to confuse caring with worry. A common sentiment is that “good mothers” worry about their children. A belief such as that would definitely make it difficult to rid oneself of worry. If worry did anything productive I could support that. But, worry robs us of emotional and physical energy that is better spent caring for ourselves and the people we love. Preparation is one antidote.

Lets start by defining some terms.

Worry is a word most appropriately used to describe a pattern of thinking, often described as circular or spiraling, that feels out of our control. When I ask people about their worry what I usually hear is an avoidance of thinking about what they are actually afraid could happen. That avoidance is part of what causes the thought to repeat. Facing the concerns actually allows us to prepare and take appropriate action.

Nervousness refers primarily to physical reactions such as rapid heart rate, difficulty catching one’s breath, sweating, trembling, fidgeting, or even digestive issues. These physical symptoms are generally increased when someone is avoiding their concerns and emotions. The symptoms decrease if one chooses preparation and action instead.

Stress is an interpretation of events. It might include a perception about having too much to do within a specific time period, an overestimate of the probability of potential consequences for not finishing those tasks, or a perception of the expectations of others that may or not be accurate. Once again, avoidance in considering these perceptions also interferes with preparation and meaningful action.

Anxiety is a word/label that I really encourage people to ditch. I’ve written about my thoughts on anxiety in a previous blog. That label just isn’t helpful. Most people put include all kinds of things under the label of anxiety that would be so much more effectively dealt with by addressing them individually. Further, using the label makes people feel like a victim, not empowered to manage the situation. People don’t make their best decisions from a victim stance.

Preparation can be defined as the action or process of making ready for an event or occurrence. Preparation can include making oneself ready for managing one’s emotions, rallying resources, or controlling whatever parts of the event might be controllable. Consider people preparing for a predicted hurricane. A healthy response focuses on reducing damage, and promoting readiness. It would not be reasonable to focus on trying to control the hurricane itself. But that is exactly what many people do. They focus on trying to prevent unpleasant or difficult things from happening rather than using that energy to decide how to handle it if the thing actually happens.

Many people invest their time and energy on trying to control things that are not really controllable. More often than not this is because they fear their own ability to tolerate their own emotions not the event itself. When I ask people about their “worry chain” it often ends with “I would feel sad”, “I would be embarrassed”, or “I would feel upset.” These are normal human emotions that really aren’t worth the wasted energy of worry.

So what is the solution? Honesty. Instead of turning away from the concern – confront it. Look at the possibilities. Decide how you will plan to handle them if they occur. Identify your resources. Make an honest appraisal of the likelihood of the unwanted event. Implement reasonable processes to encourage positive outcomes. Then get busy living the life you currently have. RIGHT NOW!

Caution vs Fear

If you have been following the blog you already know that words matter. Whether we call something caution or fear is of great significance. Most people I talk to can’t readily verbalize the difference. Accurate description leads to better actions and responses.

caution sign

“You are only afraid if you are not in harmony with yourself. People are afraid because they have never owned up to themselves.” – Hermann Hesse


Fear can be defined as an unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger, real or imagined. It causes physiological changes and behavior changes. It is unrealistic to think that we will never feel fear. Fear is a natural thing, even instinctual at times. In other instances it can be learned. It is not uncommon for a child to develop a fear of something that the parent is afraid of.

Caution can be defined as care taken to avoid danger or mistakes. Interestingly, it comes from the Latin cavere, meaning take heed. Synonyms include watchfulness, discretion, and circumspection. Caution acknowledges the fact there there is risk. It is based on our knowledge of the world. But caution does not imply the need for continual vigilance. It is more contextual. We recognize that there is uncertainty or risk in a certain time or situation, but the recognition doesn’t cause the physiological change.

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” – Rosa Parks

What I have observed is that caution is generally the appraisal of a situation whereas fear is the appraisal of one’s ability to handle the situation. Fear implies that you have convinced yourself that you are not capable of handling a negative outcome or emotion.

Although I’m sure not everyone would agree with me, I think caution and fear are appropriate emotional reactions, but only when contextually warranted and time-limited. They are both important sources of information as we try to navigate this complex world.

“Prudence is not the same thing as caution. Caution is a helpful strategy when you’re crossing a minefield; its a disaster when you’re in a goldrush.” – John Ortberg

So what’s the purpose of all of this? The purpose is to make sure that we are making correct interpretations and responding with effective actions. It is also to encourage seeing the contextual/environmental nature of caution and fear rather than defining them as permanent personality characteristics.

“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

The more you tell yourself that you are afraid, the more you will believe it. Eventually you will begin to act out being afraid and limiting your life and the pursuit of your values. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Fear can be present in some situations, but only for the necessity of survival. Remember, the real difference is in the attitude toward ourselves. Do we believe we can handle it or not?

“Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.” – W. Clement Stone

“If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.” – Sun Tzu

Stop Worry Now

worried woman with hands over faceWorry.  People use that word to mean many different things. Some people only seem to worry when something truly is amiss.  Other people worry about things that are unlikely to ever happen.  There have been many studies about the negative effects of worry on our health.

Cover Image of Tap It Away: 10 Minutes to Freedom With EFT by Dr. Leanna ManuelMake no mistake about it, worry is a destructive force but it can be stopped.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been the mainstay for many mental health professionals when treating worry.  I have used to too.  However, I find that combining CBT with meridian tapping (EFT) is even more effective. There are examples of how to use meridian tapping to stop worry and anxiety in my book Tap It Away: 10 Minutes to Freedom With EFT.

Below is an example you can use whenever worry appears in your life.  (New to Tapping?  Click HERE for a brief explanation and video.)

Step 1: Name what you are worried about, then insert your worry in the blank.

Step 2: Tap on your karate chop point and repeat these statements. “even though illustration for karate chop pointI am worried about _________, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I am worried about ________, I choose to feel confident no matter what.  Even though I am worried about ________, I love and accept myself and all of my feelings.

Step 3: Tap on the points while using the recommended reminder phrases.

diagram of the tapping pointsEyebrow…I am worried about _____

Side of Eye…This worry about _____

Under the Eye…I am worried about _____

Under the Nose…This worry about _____

Chin…I’m so worried about _____

Collarbone…Even though I am worried about _____

Under the Arm…I choose to face it with calm confidence

Top of Head…Even though I am worried about _____

Eyebrow…I won’t let that worry stop me from the things I want to do

Side of Eye…Even though I have worried about _____ in the past

Under the Eye…I choose to react based on the present situation, not the past

Under the Nose…I have worried about _____

Chin…But I choose to think about how well I can handle so many different things

Collarbone…Even though I have worried about _____

Under the Arm…I choose thoughts that are confident

Top of Head…I experience feelings that are calm and happy

 

Taker a deep breath and let it out.  Continue tapping with these or similar reminder phrases until your worry has subsided.

Tapping Video: Worried About What Others Will Think

Three people in meeting worried about what each other is thinkingDo you worry more about what others think than what you think? Do you let your beliefs about what others might think make your decisions for you?  Would you like to listen to your own inner guidance rather than abdicating your decisions to others? Tap along with the video to gain clarity about the problem and to start the process of change.