Daily Life Archives - Finding the Meaning in Everyday Life

Welcome Scooby

I have a new fur baby. On November 8th, the day after a huge snow storm, I brought Scooby home from the animal shelter. I totally fell in love with him on the internet – it was his eyes. (See internet picture on the right. That was my first look at Scooby.) We had been looking for an animal that needed some extra love and Scooby was having problems adjusting to life in the shelter. Yes, he was a little bit younger than what I was looking for, but they said he needed a low energy and quiet home. Sounded perfect.

Scooby with earphones because of shelter noise.

Once we got to the shelter we met with another dog that looked interesting but there just wasn’t a connection. He was much more interested in what was going on in the hall instead of me sitting on the floor wanting to snuggle. So then we were taken to see Scooby. He was in a separate area where he could get more 1:1 attention. He did appear timid and didn’t really come to me until the handler gave me a can of whipped cream. That was Scooby’s kryptonite. He wormed his way into my heart one lick at a time. Welcome to my heart Scooby.

I did have some concerns about how he would fit with my other dogs, so we agreed to a one-week trial adoption. In all honesty I was totally smitten but felt I needed to do the responsible thing with this trial adoption. A week later I made it official. That was the day Scooby showed his true colors after I got home. Goofy. Rambunctious. Energetic. Curious. Not the dog I met in the shelter.

Scooby is the first of many dogs I’ve rescued that I didn’t change his name. He knows his name very well and, it fits him. And yes, we often call him Scooby Doo, or Scoobs, or even Scoobsters.

Several weeks later he does intermittently show some timid characteristics and is easily frightened by things outside of the house. I’m hoping that he can learn to relax when we go places in the car or walk outside. For now, we are working on basic behaviors like sit, stop, down, and no. I think it will take a while. Did I mention that he also has a stubborn streak? Should fit in well in this house. Welcome to my pack Scooby.

Saving Seamus

Sick dogs can be scary. In mid-October I woke in the morning to find that my black lab, Seamus, was very very sick. He was unable to stand up, lift his head, or anything. I was very scared. He had been fine when we went to bed the night before. I didn’t want to panic, and had a full day of clients scheduled so I just checked on him every hour. He kept getting worse. I was giving him water by syringe every hour just to keep him somewhat hydrated until I could get him to the vet the next day. The next week was entirely devoted to saving Seamus.

He had blood work, x-rays, and ultrasound. The ultrasound confirmed that he had a mass on his spleen that was bleeding. There was no way to know if it was malignant or not without surgery. So, I took him back home to continue intensive nursing care until Monday. I continued to provide fluids every hour during the day and every 2-3 hours at night. He was scheduled for surgery on Monday. Surviving the procedure was uncertain. Even then we would have to wait to find out whether or not he would have a normal lifespan or if cancer would take him.

My vet and her team are wonderful. He made it through surgery like a champ. That afternoon he went for an overnight stay at a local animal emergency clinic for constant monitoring. He made it through that as well and we got to bring him home the next morning.

A word about dog cones. He’s a big dog. The cone was huge. He couldn’t be left unsupervised with the cone on. He couldn’t turn around in small spaces. He also couldn’t get through the door to go outside to the bathroom. Fortunately he’s a really good boy and I put a t-shirt on him to keep him from licking during the day. We only used the cone at night when I was sleeping.

It took another week to get the pathology report back. NO CANCER! The surgery was considered curative. He has recovered well. I’m so happy to have my sweet boy back. It took a team to save Seamus.

Seamus is a relatively young dog. I got him from the shelter when he was about 2 (they say) and I’ve had him for 4 years. He’s so incredibly mellow that he seems much older than that. I know he won’t live forever, but every additional year I get to spend with him will be treasured. Saving Seamus was a stressful, expensive, and scary time, but was definitely worth it.

September Happy Things

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I just found this post that I started, but never actually finished. Ooops! It happens. If my routine changes, things tend to slip through the cracks. I’ll share the list of September Happy Things that I started, but I’m sure it is incomplete.

I try not to beat myself up too bad when I slip up. The important thing is to get back on track as quickly as possible if it is something that is really important to your goals or something that is part of your value system. In this case I didn’t really stop acknowledging the things I’m grateful for or that bring me joy, I just didn’t keep up with writing them down.

September Happy Things

bowl of shrimp soup on brown wooden surface — Photo by Valeria Boltneva on Pexels.com

Homemade soup
Lifelong friendships
New choir music
Praying mantis sightings
Almond milk yogurt
The promise of a new job
Tin whistles
Homemade pumpkin bread, warm with butter
Jambalaya
Making up
Chilly fall mornings
Tomatoes fresh from the garden
New harp music
Jumbo shrimp
Bright blue staples
Getting a letter from a friend

If you’ve fallen off track, just get right back on as soon as you can. That’s what I’ll do too. I’m going to combine October and November. Stay tuned. There have been lots of happy things.

pumpkin breads on white plate — Photo by Skyler Ewing on Pexels.com

August Happy Things

pink three layered cake — Photo by Rodrigo Souza on Pexels.com

August was a very full month. I experienced highs and lows, pretty much like every other month, except August is my birthday month. It the spirit of these blogs I am choosing to focus on the happy things, although some days it would be much easier to focus on the negative. There were many August Happy Things. When you read my list there is a possibility of some duplicates from other months. When there is something that I am grateful for or elicit happiness I tend to repeat them as often as possible.

My clients often continue to balk at the idea of keeping a gratitude journal. I hear things like “too busy”, “my schedule changed”, etc. I think this is likely because people make it harder than it needs to be. It probably doesn’t even matter if you call them happy things or gratitude. You can feel happy or feel gratitude about small things, big things, unusual things, mundane things, or surprising things.

Have you decided to make a list of your happy things or things you are grateful for?

Gratitude journaling is nothing particularly new and is often a part of spiritual practices. In case you are new to the blog making a list of happy things was inspired by Barbara Ann Kipfer’s book 14,000 Things to be Happy About. Check it out.

August Happy Things

The excitement of a new harp
Midday naps
Early bedtime
Seeing a new bird at the feeder
Brightly colored paper clips
New sunglasses
Dried mango pieces
Bacon for breakfast
Hot chocolate
Reusable water bottles
A new birdfeeder
Birthdays
Quiet time
Receiving a real thank you note in the mail
Harp lights
Birthdays
New birds at the feeder
Clean sheets
Antibiotics
Antihistamines
Ibuprofen
Playing a new song
long weekends

Happy Things June 2024

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It is the end of June. Its hard to believe that half of 2024 is over. There have been many happy things to acknowledge and be grateful for. Of course there have also been things that I found annoying, uncomfortable, unfortunate, irritating, bothersome, or scary. That’s just real life. I am working hard not to overfocus on those less than happy things. That doesn’t mean that I won’t take action when needed but I am committed to only giving things the attention they require. Sometimes that takes some work. But really, how does it help to spend mental energy thinking about my computer frustration? It doesn’t change the fact that I just have to wait until the new computer arrives.

June Happy Things June 2024

a massage therapist massaging a client s back — Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

blueberry fruit on gray container — Photo by veeterzy on Pexels.com

My harp
Electronic harp tuner
Black tea
Fresh Blueberries
Watermelon
Singing in the choir
Power naps
Hot chocolate flavored lip balm
Audible books
Duolingo Gaelic lessons
Computer glasses
Deep tissue massage
Peppermint candles
Buying my new harp
A summer rain
Learning a new song
Topical Benadryl
Live stream church
Indoor swimming
Tie dye t-shirts
Sunday naps
A kind word
Unexpected cool summer days
Much needed rain
Music playlists
Dried mango
Patient IT people
Dropbox
Unexpected days off
Peaceful mornings
Puppy kisses
Pumpkin Seeds

close up photo of swimming rope — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Right now I could chose to be focused on the fact that I can’t get the pictures to line up the way I want them to. What good would that do? Even if they aren’t situated perfectly you get the point. Now I can go focus on things that make me happy.

Amplifying The Bad

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I woke up this morning wondering if people amplify the bad in their lives out of habit or for some other reason. What I was noticing is that many people use really dramatic language to describe the annoyances, frustrations, and misfortunes that happen in a day, week, or month. Instead of saying “I didn’t like that” or “that made things harder” I hear about “trauma”, “overwhelmed”, “catastrophe”, or “disaster.” If we use those words for our daily struggles how do we then describe floods, famines, starvation, or wars? I’m not saying that people don’t actually experience trauma or disaster, just that we need to be really selective about how we use the words in order to them to have real meaning.

Before you start calling me bad names or thinking bad things about me, hear me out. If you’ve been following this blog you know that I am a fan of the book 14,000 Things to Be Happy About by Barbara Ann Kipfer. That book prompted a lot of thinking about how what we focus on can change our mood. I’ve been trying to implement that in my life and I can say that I see a big difference in my overall daily outlook. So this morning the importance of the more “negative” descriptors became an interesting topic.

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Neuro-linguistic programming has always been fascinating to me. This school of thought considers that there is a connection between our language, thought processes, emotions, and behaviors. Then, by changing our language it can have an an impact on the other areas. Not everyone buys into this, but I see evidence of it every day. In his book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life Steven C Hayes devotes an entire chapter to the many ways our language can lead to suffering. It just makes sense.

overworked adult female entrepreneur with papers in light modern office — Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Then why would we want to tell ourselves that something is a disaster when it is really uncomfortable, challenging, or time-consuming? If I draw from observations in social media I think it could be that these terms are being normalized there. In addition, the more dramatic our language the more attention or support we think we will get. I don’t mean this as an intentional or conscious decision. I think it happens below our level of awareness most of the time. Lastly, those more dramatic labels may serve to distance ourselves from taking personal responsibility. I can’t be held responsible for managing a “disaster” when I am “overwhelmed,” but if I label it as a challenge or a setback it does seem to have more of an expectation to just deal with it. Again, I believe most of this is subconscious processing.

woman surrounded by sunflowers — Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

Why talk about this at all? Because it is possible to change the way we feel by amplifying the good rather than amplifying the bad. I can use even more positive language when describing the good things in my life. Consider the word “happy.” Synonyms include cheerful, joyful, merry, ecstatic, elated, and enraptured. Say those words out loud. Do they have a different feel to you? Use the words that really elevate the mood. How about the word “satisfied?” Instead you could use pleased, proud, contented, fulfilled, gratified.

Lets stop watering down our positive emotions and stop amplifying the bad. It can change your day in amazing and satisfying and exhilarating ways.

A Thought Can Be Changed

“The only thing we are ever dealing with is a thought, and a thought can be changed.” ~ Louise Hay

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Introduction

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People have a tendency to believe that their thoughts are facts, even though getting distance from the thought can reveal a different conclusion. Have you ever been hiking in the woods and noticed something up ahead that you thought was a snake? Did it ever turn out not to be a snake, but instead you found a crooked stick? These things happen all of the time. I think that my glasses are on my desk, but find them on the piano. I’m at the grocery and I think that I have chicken in the freezer, so I don’t buy any. Then, I get home and find out that there isn’t chicken in the freezer. In each of these examples, I believed my thoughts to be factual.

When this type of thinking happens about things outside of ourselves most of us are able to update our thought patterns with the new information. That doesn’t seem to be particularly true if the thinking is about ourselves. We hold onto those thoughts very rigidly, and are often aware that we are doing it. That awareness isn’t enough to cause us to chose a new, more accurate thought.

Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life

In his book, Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life, Dr. Wayne Dyer describes this from the vantage point of the Tao Te Ching. He notes that the Tao Te Ching describes a way of living that is “balanced, moral, spiritual; and that works for all facets of life on Earth,” but it requires us to change our thoughts and our habitual way of thinking. Dr. Dyer’s book incudes all 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching as well as 81 essays about their meaning.

Get Out of Your Thoughts & Into Your Mind

Steven C. Hayes, in his book Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life, also describes how our inability to distance ourselves from our habitual ways of thinking creates emotional pain and suffering. As verbal creatures, humans are always surrounding or “swimming” in our thoughts. We don’t regularly take the time to think about them in a rational manner. This book walks you through some of the brain science, offers memorable examples (for instance The Virtues of Saliva on page 56), and offers some exercises or methods for changing the way you think as well as the arbitrary connections we often make between our thoughts, emotions, and experiences.

portrait photo of woman in red top wearing black framed eyeglasses standing in front of white background thinking — Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I see the solution as falling into the same category as a social mantra I grew up with “question everything!” You might see it as “don’t jump to conclusions.” In either case, we need to take a step back, consider the facts, acknowledge our emotions. But, we do not need to let them rule our thoughts. This is not always easy. Currently, we are being bombarded with messages that our emotions are of primary importance. Don’t buy the messaging! Question everything…even our thoughts.

Happy Things May 2024

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Its that time again. Here is my Happy Things list for May 2024. I’ve started keeping a running list, much like the one in the book that inspired me, 14,000 Things to Be Happy About, by Barbara Ann Kipfer. I’m not as faithful with it as I aspire to be, but am getting better. I’ve decided to include it with my Morning Pages (inspired by Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way). I’ve already established the habit of writing Morning Pages every day so doing the two together could improve my consistency.

You may have read this before, but living in a state of gratitude helps your brain to help you. When you are intentionally focusing on gratitude your brain automatically screens out everything that isn’t gratitude unless it is really urgent. Poof – all of those minor annoyances can fade into the background. Whew – what a relief. I can’t help but think that this world would be a much more pleasant place if everybody was focusing more on what makes them happy or what they are grateful for.

May Happy Things

Spiral notebooks
Dry erase markers
Flannel
Teabags
Dusty Strings harp strings
Organic green grapes
Bodhi
Seamus
Requests to play my harp at church
An open lane at the pool
Having crutches when you need them
Window AC units
Donated piano music
Aluminum foil
Daisies
Cherry tomatoes
A new skirt
Refills for my mechanical pencils
Sturdy erasers

brown wooden harp on garden — Photo by Анна Малышева (Заволока) on Pexels.com

Perhaps some of the things that make you happy are the same as mine. Its almost certain that some will be different. I’d love it if you would share your list with the people around you and possibly even share it with me. Does anybody else have a harp on their happy things list?

Humility

One of the lessons I am learning as an adult student of both composition and voice is humility. This humility is necessary in order to set aside any excess pride or superiority that can interfere with my learning. That isn’t always comfortable. Some definitions of humility include.

A modest or low view of one’s own importance
Freedom from pride or arrogance
The feeling or attitude that you have no special importance that makes you better than others
Not believing you are superior to others

While I believe all of these definitions are accurate, they don’t fully capture my experience as an adult learner. Then I found a description that was more illuminating. It said that people who are humble can still think highly of themselves, but are also aware of their mistakes, gaps in knowledge, and imperfections. This awareness of mistakes, gaps in knowledge, and imperfections has been very important in my current student status.

Jeff Boss at Forbes.com (3/1/25) wrote that humble people are confident and competent in themselves so much that they can help others. They don’t feel the need to boast but let their actions speak for their ideals. They don’t feel the need to show others how much they know. Humble people actively listen to others, and they are eager to understand others because they are curious. They are perpetual learners and realize that they don’t have all of the answers. Also, they glean knowledge from the experiences of others and crave more opportunities to learn. They accept feedback, assume responsibility, and they ask for help.

When I am able to engage in this manner I find that I am able to focus my attention on learning rather than trying to prove how much I already know, a practice that interferes with learning. It is also sometimes very difficult for me to ask for help. Unfortunately this has been my default mode for most of my life and now I’m trying to fill in the gaps in knowledge that resulted.

So what can we do to show up ready for learning in this way? I think the first step is to take a good look at your reasons for being in the situation. Are you there to get praise or acknowledgement for your brilliance or are you there to expand your knowledge? What behavior or attitude will help you most to achieve your goal. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE praise and validation. But I learn the most when I don’t let that be what motivates my behavior.

The second step may be to identify where your areas of weakness might be as well as how willing you are to be vulnerable enough to show those areas of weakness to the person(s) that are trying to teach you something. For me that is sometimes not at all vulnerable and other times I can choose to be extremely open. This does not always feel comfortable, but with a trusted mentor or teacher, it can be so extremely effective.

Give it a try.

Responsibility

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines responsibility in several ways. The two most relevant to this post include:

1. the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone

2. a moral obligation to behave correctly toward or in respect of: individuals have a responsibility to control personal behavior.

In Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D., the term is broken down into “response” and “ability.” The concept is that it involves an ability to respond and has nothing to do with blame. One may not always be able to respond to a situation, but they can still respond to the pain it might have caused.

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. also uses the idea of response-ability, describing the capacity to choose and remembering to be in charge and make careful and thoughtful choices. This is the ability to respond to life without placing blame upon one’s self.

Why is this distinction important? Many people confuse taking responsibility with assigning blame. Blame is disempowering or victimizing. Taking responsibility, in part or in whole, for what is actually mine is empowering. Am I responsible for an approaching hurricane? Of course not. Am I responsible for making decisions about how I’m going to deal with it? Absolutely.

Another reason why this distinction is important is that people feel responsible for the feelings, actions, and situations of others. I’m not suggesting that there isn’t some aspect that may be mine to manage or respond to, but I only have limited response-ability. Other people maintain the right to be wrong, make mistakes, interpret comments, and respond with their own feelings. I’m not response-able for those. Can I learn to be careful with my speech? Yes, to some extent. But, the choice still belongs to the other person about how to interpret what I’ve said and it often involves patterns from the past that I cannot predict or control.

I find it important to check if my sense of “responsibility” is really located in the present moment rather than a worry about the future or a carry-over from the past. Then, if it is in the present moment, I actually ask myself if the current concern is really within the area of my own “hula hoop.” Is it that close to me? Can I do anything with it? Is it really someone else’s response-ability rather than mine? Then, I can choose my response. If any of those questions suggest that this issue isn’t really mine, I can interrupt the tendency to blame and shame.

Boundary setting is an important part of this process. If my boundary is punctuated by gates that I control it will be helpful when considering my response-ability. If my boundary is open, without gates that I control, it is very tempting to take ownership of someone else’s responsibility even if there is no response-ability on my part.

The basic question for me is always, “Does this belong to me and is there a way that I can reasonably respond.”