Personal Growth Archives - Finding the Meaning in Everyday Life

Humility

One of the lessons I am learning as an adult student of both composition and voice is humility. This humility is necessary in order to set aside any excess pride or superiority that can interfere with my learning. That isn’t always comfortable. Some definitions of humility include.

A modest or low view of one’s own importance
Freedom from pride or arrogance
The feeling or attitude that you have no special importance that makes you better than others
Not believing you are superior to others

While I believe all of these definitions are accurate, they don’t fully capture my experience as an adult learner. Then I found a description that was more illuminating. It said that people who are humble can still think highly of themselves, but are also aware of their mistakes, gaps in knowledge, and imperfections. This awareness of mistakes, gaps in knowledge, and imperfections has been very important in my current student status.

Jeff Boss at Forbes.com (3/1/25) wrote that humble people are confident and competent in themselves so much that they can help others. They don’t feel the need to boast but let their actions speak for their ideals. They don’t feel the need to show others how much they know. Humble people actively listen to others, and they are eager to understand others because they are curious. They are perpetual learners and realize that they don’t have all of the answers. Also, they glean knowledge from the experiences of others and crave more opportunities to learn. They accept feedback, assume responsibility, and they ask for help.

When I am able to engage in this manner I find that I am able to focus my attention on learning rather than trying to prove how much I already know, a practice that interferes with learning. It is also sometimes very difficult for me to ask for help. Unfortunately this has been my default mode for most of my life and now I’m trying to fill in the gaps in knowledge that resulted.

So what can we do to show up ready for learning in this way? I think the first step is to take a good look at your reasons for being in the situation. Are you there to get praise or acknowledgement for your brilliance or are you there to expand your knowledge? What behavior or attitude will help you most to achieve your goal. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE praise and validation. But I learn the most when I don’t let that be what motivates my behavior.

The second step may be to identify where your areas of weakness might be as well as how willing you are to be vulnerable enough to show those areas of weakness to the person(s) that are trying to teach you something. For me that is sometimes not at all vulnerable and other times I can choose to be extremely open. This does not always feel comfortable, but with a trusted mentor or teacher, it can be so extremely effective.

Give it a try.

Repeat the Work

Things are rarely one and done. Sometimes we have to repeat the work. I don’t know about you, but I find that fact really annoying. This is true for me whether we are talking about reps at the gym or playing the piano. It is also true about cleaning the house, doing the dishes, or using my stress management skills. In many areas I am aware of the need to create muscle memory through repetition. But even then, after I have “mastered” a skill or passage in a piece of music I know that that mastery will degrade over time if I don’t play it regularly. It usually isn’t completely gone, but I don’t play as easily until I’ve repeated it several more times.

I also get it where exercise is concerned. I know my body has to get used to a weight or distance through repetition. Then after a time I can go harder, heavier, or farther. If I skip very many workouts I lose a little bit of my progress and have to fight my way back up. Again….annoying.

My resistance is stronger in other areas of self development. I’ve written in other blog posts about my training in Reiki and Meridian Tapping. So if I’ve used Reiki or Tapping about a personal problem or situation once I seem to expect to never need to do it again. While there are people who report such amazing and long-lasting results, I find that sometimes things come up again but it a bit of a different context. I know that if I would do the work again I can resolve the issue in the moment, but still I resist to my own detriment. That doesn’t mean that the first time was a failure, but sometimes context is important.

I found references about the power of repetition such as Get Lighthouse, MasterClass, and Thunderhead Works. All of these sites have articles about repetition as a means toward mastery. I believe that is definitely true. Repeating the work can also lead to increased confidence. To repeat the work in the various aspects of daily living, it can also be an exercise in patience with oneself or situation, a practice of mindfulness in which we are actively aware of needs, and an exercise in controlling our own ego that tells us we don’t need to do the work “again.”

Remember, your needs change. Your situations change. Your body changes. Even your level of confidence can change. As those changes occur, consider repeating the work.

Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a word I hear a lot. In fact, I hear it often enough that I decided to explore it more in depth. If you look up overwhelm in the dictionary you will find 1) to affect (someone) very strongly, 2) to cause (someone) to have too many things to deal with, and 3) to defeat (someone or something) completely. Usually it involves all three of these meanings for most people I talk to.

When I ask what symptoms people associate with overwhelm, I hear decreased sleep, increased worry, fatigue, tearfulness, irritability, and intrusive thoughts. Those symptoms can be associated with many different feelings so they don’t set overwhelm apart from other emotions very well.

Factors that often contribute to this feeling can include having too many tasks. Excessively high standards, poor time mangement, inadequate mindfulness skills, or focus on another person’s evaluation of you can also contribute. This certainly suggests definitions 1 and 2.

Expectations of one’s self also may play into the feeling of overwhelm. The high standards or expectations mentioned above fit in this category too. I find that the words “should” and “shouldn’t” are the biggest contibutors. When these evaluations are present they really can drain a person’s resources and limit problem-solving skills. Many people have pretty rigid beliefs about how things should or shouldn’t be without being really clear about why. In fact, it is often just a preference.

Having weak boundaries can also contribute to feelings of overwhelm. People who self-identify as people-pleasers often have too many things to do and not enough time to do them because they haven’t learned to say no. They are also afraid to engage in the self-care that would increase their energy for tasks and overall resilience. Difficulty with prioritizing can also be a factor. If you look at your task list and see everything on it as the highest possible priority it would feel overwhelming.

When all of these things are considered it seems clear that the feeling comes from the inside but there may be outside factors. If the boss wants something NOW it likely impacts overwhelm. But if there is a confidence in one’s own ability to prioritize, set boundaries, and complete tasks it probably won’t be nearly as uncomfortable.

Other words people use to describe overwhelm include swamped, buried, flooded, saturated, overloaded, and engulfed. I was drawn to the words saturated and overloaded. Interestingly, saturated seemed to be from outside forces (although I acknowledge I have some control on what I let in). Overloaded seemed to be more internal for me. It is sometimes quite difficult for me to choose from the many things I like to do. I often take on more activities (because I really like them) than fit easily into my day.

When considering difficult to manage feelings it can be helpful to consider where you feel them in your body. This can be a great way to monitor how your coping skills are working since it makes the feeling more tangible. Does overwhelm feel like a knot in your shoulders? Maybe a pressure in your chest? Does it feel hot or cold? For those of you who know about tapping, it also is useful to use the bodily sensation as a focus for your tapping.

When you get down to it, the thoughts in your head that are associated with overwhelm generally are some variation of “I’m not enough” or that “I can’t handle it.” Those belief patterns come from so many different places. For me there is a childhood statement from a parent of “why can’t you be more like Lori.” Then there was a question about whether I deserved to be valedictorian since I was in chorus instead of advanced math. The media also perpetuates those feelings of not being enough for many people.

I would argue that for most of us the truth is really more like “I don’t want to handle this” or “I shouldn’t have to handle it.” This is an important thought pattern to explore and it can lead to solutions.

Speaking of solutions, here is a brief list of solutions you may want to try:

Planning – Break tasks into the smallest possible pieces and assign a time to do them.
Values clarification – Decide whether the competing tasks share a similar value for you. Do the things that are congruent with your highest values. (This isn’t always easy to figure out and it is ok to get professional help with any of these.)
Mindfulness – Practice your mindfulness skills. Then you can stay in the here and now rather than ruminating on the past or catastrophizing about the future.
Affirmations – Make statements of affirmation about your own ability to problem-solve, self worth, and intellect.
Tapping – Tapping is a great way to manage the feeling of overwhelm.
Self care – Set aside time (even a few minutes) to rest, relax, and renew. It will help you be more productive when there is an onslaught of activities.
Language-monitoring – Watch your language for should, shouldn’t, ought to, have to, etc. These are energy drainers and not helpful.
Choose your battles – There really will be times when it is not possible to do everything. You also might not be able to do everthing at your highest level.

Exercise vs Movement

There is something about the word exercise that causes an emotional reaction for many people. I find it interesting that the word movement rarely elicits the same emotional response. Go ahead, say the words exercise and movement aloud and then notice what you feel. Try “I’m going to exercise” vs “I’m going to move.”

Although the literature suggests that exercise is beneficial for both physical and mental health, I believe many people are avoidant due to the negative connotation the word exercise has developed. Perhaps you were picked last for teams in gym class. Maybe you were teased about your level of coordination in the past. Maybe you have an internal dialogue about not being athletic.

Here are some steps you can use to get moving in the right direction.

walking on beach for movement vs exercise

What forms of movement do you enjoy? Do you hate sit-ups but love to dance? List as many pleasurable ways to move that you can think of. My list would include swimming, dancing, and walking in the mountains or on a beach.
What forms of movement can you tolerate, even if you don’t love them? I can tolerate an elliptical machine and stationary bike.
What forms of movement do you really dislike? I dislike stair climbing, core strength training, and running.
What forms of movement have you been curious about? My curiosity list includes kayaking, paddleboarding, yoga, rowing, and zumba.
What holds you back? Some obstacles for me are physical limitations, availability, and not wanting to feel foolish, embarrassed, or “stupid” if I’m not good at something.

Once you have the answers to these questions you can start to create a Possibility List. Then you can use the list to increase the amount of movement you do each day. It’s ok to start small with types of movement you really enjoy.

How much different would it feel to say “I get to walk in the mountains” instead of “I have to exercise?” I have said it before, words have power. Deliberately choose the word that helps you live your values in a comfortable way.

Ants

Did you know that there are more than 10,000 ant species? I didn’t. I knew that there were red ones, brown ones, black ones, ants that bite, and ants that don’t. Ants are social insects and usually live in communities that have a queen ant. The worker ants are female. They have no wings, don’t reproduce, but have many duties within the colony such as foraging for food, caring for the queen’s baby ants, and protecting the community. Male ants have only one job – making baby ants with the queen. After they are done with that task they usually die.

Not very long ago I had an interesting infestation of ants in my kitchen. Actually it really wasn’t an infestation with swarms of ants everywhere; it was more of a semi-constant trickle. I did some cleaning and they seemed to be gone. That lasted about 3 hours then I saw another one walking across the kitchen floor. A few hours later I saw one walking across a kitchen counter.

I don’t harbor an intense dislike of ants and I don’t usually go out of my way to kill them if they are outside, but I don’t want them on my kitchen counters or in my drawers, and I don’t want to squish them under my bare feet when walking in the kitchen. Since they broke our “agreement” to stay outside I decided to spray the baseboards to try to stop them from coming in. That lasted for about 8 hours, then more ants.

While this ant battle was going on I was also having some struggles at work. I felt that I was being treated as insignificant, not being allowed to exercise my own judgment and creativity, and just felt that I was generally not appreciated. ON the inside I was rebelling about all of this as was trying to assert my individualism within a culture that clearly doesn’t value that.

The ants kept coming and I continued to feel dissatisfied. One morning while doing my lap swim I had the thought, “what if the ants are acting as one of my totems?” I started thinking about the ant characteristics that I’ve been writing about and became even more sure of it. I phoned a friend and shared my insight, thinking that it was hilarious that I had overlooked this possibility and quipped, “wouldn’t it be hysterical if the ants were gone when I get home?” After all, I had finally received the message about being industrious, fitting in, stamina, and perseverance.

When I got home the ants were indeed gone. I’m sure that I have more work to do pertaining to managing employment while nurturing my own dreams. I am glad the ants were persistent and that I finally caught on. It does make me wonder how many other times there have been animal totems willing to point me in the right direction, but I somehow missed out on getting the message.

Tapping Meditation

To get started, lets do a tapping meditation to get in touch with some of the characteristics associated with ants and to get ready for whatever messages ants might have for you.

Eyebrow	Ant
Side of Eye	Social
Under the Eye	Ant
Under the Nose	Colony
Chin	Ant
Collarbone	Solves complex problems
Under the Arm	Ant
Top of Head	Interactive
Eyebrow	Ant
Side of Eye	Industrious
Under the Eye	Ant
Under the Nose	Cooperative effort
Chin	Ant
Collarbone	Hard work
Under the Arm	Ant
Top of Head	Group-minded
Eyebrow	Ant
Side of Eye	Perseverance
Under the Eye	Ant
Under the Nose	Self discipline
Chin	Ant
Collarbone	Teamwork
Under the Arm	Ant
Top of Head	Orderly
Eyebrow	Ant
Side of Eye	Stamina
Under the Eye	Ant
Under the Nose	Honor
Chin	Ant
Collarbone	What message to you have for me?
Under the Arm	Ant
Top of Head	Open to the message of ants

Keep tapping while considering the knowledge, experiences, and meaning that the ant may have for you. Be sure to write down any thoughts, beliefs, or feelings that arise when you have finished the tapping meditation. Which characteristics of the ant would you want more of? Which characteristics do you have in abundance?

For me, the ant is a fairly neutral symbol. I was raised on the image of ants being a nuisance when they visit a picnic. I have also seen the painful bites or stings from fire ants. I’ve been intrigued by ant hills and loved the movie Ants. I even had an ant farm when I was growing up.

Ants are actually pretty important in Native American culture and lore. The Hope, Pueblo, and Akimal O’odham tribes have Ant Clans. The Cherokee celebrate with an Ant Dance. In the Cahuilla creation myth ants spread the earth out for people and animals to live upon. In a Hopi myth the ant people provided shelter to the humans during the destruction of the First World. The industriousness and cooperative spirit associated with ants is often the focus of these stories.

Ants are also a common feature in literature. Ants are mentioned in the Bible and in the Quran. Ants were featured in A Tramp Abroad by Mark Twain, The Once and Future King by T.H. White, Les Fourmis by Bernard Werber, and The Empire of the Ants by H.G. Wells. Do you remember the cartoon Atom Ant? Did you have an ant farm when you were growing up? Did you play the game Ants in the Pants? Maybe you are more familiar with the movies Antz by Dream Works Animation in which Z-4195 longs for the opportunity to express himself or the movie A Bugs Life from Pixar Animation Studios in which the misfit ant Flik fancies himself to be an individualist and inventor.

The above selection was from my upcoming book Unleash Your Primal Power: Totem Tapping for Health and Happiness. If you read my first book Tap It Away: 10 Minutes to Freedom With EFT you might remember that there was a chapter devoted to using animal characterstics to guide tapping on personality characteristics and change. The upcoming book is an expansion of the concept.

Cover Image of Tap It Away: 10 Minutes to Freedom With EFT by Dr. Leanna Manuel

Thanksgiving is Over

For most people the day of purposeful gluttony is over. Thanksgiving is over. We had our feast, family gathered, and hopefully cleanup is over. Now what? There may be Black Friday shopping to look forward to (or dread). Some people will be working as usual. Many airports will be crowded with people heading home from wherever they went. Will the purposeful practice of gratitude be over too?

I’m in a pretty funky mood. The weather is overcast and so are my thoughts. The frenzy of Christmas is upon us. Even so, I am keenly aware of all that I have to be grateful for. Instead of a New Year Resolution, I am making a Thanksgiving Resolution to be more mindful of engaging in a purposeful gratitude practice.

Here are some ideas I am considering:

Writing at least 2 things on the whiteboard above my desk each day that I am grateful for.
Find one person to sincerely thank for something each day at work (a place where I find the spirit of gratitude tough)
Starting my morning, before I get out of bed with a gratitude prayer
Saying or singing grace before my meals (silently or aloud)
Counting my blessings while I brush my teeth

If you have a gratitude practice, I’d love to hear about what you do and what benefits you have noticed.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Simply put – Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a reaction to the changing season that causes problems with mood and behavior. These mood and behavior changes tend to start around September and may last until April. According to S.A. Saeed in the March 1998 issue of American Family Physician, 4-6% of the general population experiences winter depression and an additional 10-20% have low-level features of the disorder. In the Journal for the Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (February 1998) J. Giedd reported that 3-5% of students in the 4th through 6th grade meet the criteria for SAD. Women are 4 times more likely to be diagnosed with SAD and the average age of onset is 23. Giedd reported that 9% of adults with SAD had an onset prior to 11 and 33% reported an onset prior to age 19.

The symptoms of SAD include sleep problems, overeating, depressed mood, family problems, lethargy, physical complaints, and behavioral problems. Individuals experiencing sleep problems associated with SAD are most likely to report oversleeping, but not feeling refreshed when they awaken. Then may report difficulty getting out of bed, or the need for frequent naps in the after. (Think hibernation)

Overeating tends to be a problem in several ways. First, people with SAD often crave and eat carbohydrates. This generally leads to weight gain. (Again, think hibernation). Weight gain then contributes to depression. In addition, ingestion of carbohydrates can cause rapid blood sugar fluctuations when also impact mood.

Persons with SAD typically aren’t much fun to be around. They will often avoid company or when they are with other people they may be highly irritable. Loss of sexual interest is also common. In general, folks with SAD feel too tired to cope with daily living. Everything feels like a tremendous effort. Normal tasks become difficult. Joint pain and stomach problems become more frequent and they may have lowered resistance to infection. As if that isn’t enough, people with SAD are depressed. They may use words like despair, misery, guilt, anxiety, or hopelessness to describe their mood.

By this time you may be wondering what causes this disorder. My witty reply would be “living in Ohio.” Actually, where you live can be part of the problem. There is a structure in the brain called the pineal gland, and during night/darkness, this gland produces melatonin that makes us drowsy. Bright light is the off switch for the melatonin production. On dull winter days (there are a lot of those in Dayton) there is not enough light to trigger the pineal gland. Bright light has also been associated with another brain chemical – serotonin. You know about that one because it is associated with depression.

Both the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association recommend light therapy as the primary treatment strategy for SAD. This isn’t ordinary reading light. For this type of treatment the light must be at least 2500 lux. That’s five times brighter than the well-lit office. Believe it or not, light therapy does have some side effects for a few people including a jittery feeling, excitability, mild nausea, or burning of the eyes.

What can you do if you are one of the mild, moderate, or severe sufferers of SAD?

See your primary care physician. The diagnosis deserves careful attention since the symptoms overlap with other disorders.
Increase your exposure to natural sunlight, if not medically contraindicated.
Decrease consumption of carbohydrates. Again, check this out with your physician before making a big dietary change.
Ask your physician about light therapy.

I’ve used it. And it works!

Not Another Birthday!

Do you look forward to your birthday like you used to? I don’t. Does a number like 40, 50, 60, or even 70 fill you with dread? It does me. As I approach one of those “significant” birthdays, tapping became very necessary.

Don’t Try – Do! Another Lesson from the Tao Te Ching

While the message Don’t Try – Do! may be more recently associated with my little green guru Yoda, it is also a lesson from the Tao Te Ching. It is also a lesson I have struggled with, although intellectually whole-heartedly support.

Setup (while tapping on the karate chop point): I have a tendency to say I’ll try things. I was taught that I should always be open to trying. That was supposed to help me find the courage to do things that I might think I could to. Unfortunately, saying I’m going to try seems to also set me up for failure at times. I am open to just doing things to whatever level or ability I can at that time and accepting the result – whatever it is. Even though I tend to think in terms of success and failure, I am open to learning a new way of being. Even though trying feels more comfortable to me than doing, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I am aware that this is a lesson I haven’t quite mastered in the past, I love and accept myself fully.

Eyebrow…The words I use may be holding me back

Side of Eye…It seems like saying that I’ll try something should be a good thing

Under the Eye…But that attitude may be limiting me in some ways

Under the Nose…When I say I’ll try, I instantly insert the possibility for failure in my life

Chin…I am open to learning a new way to choose the events of my life

Collarbone…I wonder how things could be different if I just do things instead of trying

Under the Arm…I choose to use words that open up possibilities

Top of Head…The attitude of trying can sometimes help me avoid commitment

Eyebrow…The attitude of trying can sometimes help me avoid responsibility

Side of Eye…The attitude of trying can sometimes help me avoid the possibility of failure

Under the Eye…Well — not really

Under the Nose…I am open to redefining failure

Chin…I am open to redefining responsibility

Collarbone…I am open to redefining commitment

Under the Arm…These are all constructs that I have previously accepted as real

Top of Head…Perhaps there is another way to view the world

Eyebrow…I am open to clarity

Side of Eye…I am open to being less tentative about things I choose to do

Under the Eye…I am open to doing

Under the Nose…When I wake up in the morning – I am doing

Chin…When I eat – I am doing

Collarbone…When I go to bed — I am doing

Under the Arm…In all that I face today – I want to do

Top of Head…Trying is in the past. Now I will do.

I Am Uptight, Anxious, and Overwhelmed

The words uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed describe me all too often. Life can be going well most of the time, but when something happens that is unexpected (good or bad) it can throw me off my game. Tapping helps me to recover.

Say that statement out loud, “I am uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed.” Rate the intensity or truth of that statement on a 0-10 scale (10=very intense or very true). Write down your rating.

Begin tapping on the karate chop point. Even though I am uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I can do uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed better than almost anybody I know, I choose to substitute calm and confidence whenever possible. Even though uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed come very easily to me, I choose to manifest other feelings that are more comfortable and will help me to reach my goals.

Eyebrow…I am uptight

Side of Eye…And I choose to release it now

Under the Eye…Bit by bit

Under the Nose…Until I am no longer feeling uptight

Chin…I am anxious

Collarbone…And I choose to release it now

Under the Arm…Bit by bit

Top of Head…Until I am no longer feeling anxious

Eyebrow…I am overwhelmed

Side of Eye…And I choose to release it now

Under the Eye…Bit by bit

Under the Nose…Until I am no longer overwhelmed

Chin…Even though I was feeling uptight before

Collarbone…I released it

Under the Arm…Bit by bit

Top of Head…And I choose to feel calm instead

Eyebrow…Even though I was feeling anxious before

Side of Eye…I released it

Under the Eye…Bit by bit

Nose…And I choose to feel confident instead

Chin…Even though I was feeling overwhelmed before

Collarbone…I released it

Under the Arm…Bit by bit

Top of Head…And I choose to feel calm and confident instead

Eyebrow…I used to feel uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed

Side of Eye…I choose to feel calm and confident instead

Under the Eye…I relase the uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed feeling from every cell in my body

Under the Nose…I release the uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed feeling from every muscle in my body

Chin…I release the uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed feeling from every fluid in my body

Collarbone…I choose to accept calmness

Under the Arm…I choose to acknowledge confidence

Top of Head…I choose to accept health and wellness into my body

Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Say the original statement again, “I am uptight, anxious, and overwhelmed.” Rate the intensity or truth of that statement now on the 0-10 scale. Continue tapping with these or other more personal statements until your rating is very low. If other thoughts popped up, or specific circumstances came to mind, be sure to tap on those at some point to help you maintain the calm and confident feeling.