Why is it so hard to set boundaries with other people?
This is something that I have struggled with most of my life. For me, setting boundaries gets all mixed up with religious teachings about loving other people, societal values, and the general admonition to be nice. Intellectually I know that one can set boundaries without being mean. Emotionally, it usually still feels mean. Try this tapping.
Setup (tapping karate chop point): Even though I find it hard to set boundaries with other people, I deeply and completely accept myself and all of my feelings. Even though I have found it hard to set boundaries with other people in the past, I accept myself and all of my feelings about this. Even though I find it hard to set boundaries with other people, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and am looking forward to feeling better about this in the future.
Eyebrow…I find it hard to set boundaries with other people
Side of Eye…I get all nervous
Under the Eye…And I feel it in the pit of my stomach
Under the Nose…And my jaw tightens up
Chin…Even worse, sometimes I stutter
Collarbone…When I do set boundaries, I’m usually very mad
Under the Arm…Then I’m more aggressive than assertive
Top of Head…Or a total basket case
Eyebrow…That’s not really setting boundaries with others
Side of Eye…That is just reacting
Under the Eye…I want to learn more about why it has been hard for me
Under the Nose…I think I’m afraid they won’t like me
Chin…There have been times when I’ve said no
Collarbone…And sometimes it works well
Under the Arm…And sometimes people react badly
Top of Head…I can’t really control other people’s reactions
Eyebrow…And by not setting boundaries, I’m attempting to feel like I’m in control
Side of Eye…But it is really false control
Under the Eye…Because my needs aren’t being met
Under the Nose…I’m looking forward to catching myself in this unhealthy pattern more often
Chin…So that I can observe it and change it
Collarbone…I am open to understanding my motivations in each situation
Under the Arm…I am open to learning new ways to set boundaries with other people
Top of Head…I am looking forward to respecting my own needs while still respecting other people.
This tapping sequence is just a jumping off point. One way to take this further is to tap while telling the story about a specific time that you had trouble setting boundaries. Include what happened, the thoughts in your head at the time if you remember, the feelings that were present during the event, the feelings that you have now when you think about the event, and even how you wished you might have handled it differently. The more specific you get, the better the result.
Some
times, in fact lots of times, it has seemed like today is just a repeat of yesterday. That usually doesn’t feel very satisfying and I hate the monotony. Tapping can help us to enjoy the freedom to purposefully create and experience each new moment of every new day.
How true is this statement for you?
NOTHING CALMS ME DOWN BETTER THAN FOOD!
Most days it is a 10 for me. Try this tapping exercise and see if it helps.
Setup: Nothing calms me down better than food. Whenever I get upset I turn to food. It always works for me. Even though nothing calms me down better than food, I don’t like what it does to my body. I am open to learning new ways of feeling calm. I’m also open to learning more about the things that upset me so that I don’t even need to use food to calm myself.
Eyebrow…when I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food
Side of Eye…when I get upset, nothing calms me down faster than food
Under the Eye…when I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food
Nose…when I get upset, nothing calms me down faster than food
Chin…when I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food
Collarbone…when I get upset, nothing calms me down faster than food
Under the Arm…when I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food
Top of Head…when I get upset, nothing calms me down faster than food
Eyebrow…Food calms me down
Side of Eye…but it also makes me fat
Under the Eye…when I get upset, nothing calms me down better than food
Nose…And I often need to calm down
Chin…I get upset pretty often
Collarbone…And I use food to calm down
Under the Arm…It is quick, easy, and painless
Top of Head…Well, maybe not painless
Eyebrow…Being overweight is definitely painful
Side of Eye…It is painful both physically and emotionally
Under the Eye…I probably need to learn new ways to deal with my emotions
Nose…Food is quick, but the side effects are long
Chin…I choose to learn to manage my stress in other ways
Collarbone…I can learn to calm myself another way
Under the Arm…Even though I have used food to calm myself in the past
Top of Head…I am excited that there is a possibility of learning a new way.
Setup: (tapping on the karate chop point) It is hard to just be me. We’re not human doings we are human beings. I say that all the time to other people but I’m not sure how to apply it to myself. I am very much a human doing. Do. Do. Do. I know I need to spend time reflecting on who I am, rather than what I do. I seem to have lost the lesson that Katie (my daughter) taught me. Being is enough. I choose to love and accept myself – my being.
Eyebrow…Just be
Side of Eye…Just be here and fully present in this moment
Under the Eye…I don’t have to dwell in the past all of the time
Under the Nose…I don’t have to anticipate the future all of the time
Chin…I want to practice being in the now
Collarbone…I don’t want to fill my NOW with business and activity
Under the Arm…I know I get confused sometimes and think that my value is based on what I do, not who I am
Top of Head…I’m able to remember that more often when thinking about other people than I do when thinking about myself
Eyebrow…Honestly, there is room for improvement all the way around
Side of Eye…Just be
Under the Eye…It’s tempting to ask, “just be what?”
Under the Nose…But that is missing the whole point
Chin…Just be me
Collarbone…In every minute of every day – be me
Under the Arm…It seems a little scary. No it seems a lot scary.
Top of Head…But that’s ok. I can be scared if that’s the way I really feel. I’ll just be me.
When a feeling or behavior keeps repeating itself I often feel powerless to make a change. Getting to the feeling behind a behavior can be extremely valuable. One way to do this is by asking the question, “When have I felt this way before?” The technique can be utilized with any feeling. This video uses tapping on sugar craving to demonstrate how to chase down the origin of a current emotion.
It should come as no surprise to anyone that I enjoy reading books about tapping. Tapping has made such a profound change in my life. Quite by chance I ran into the book Tapping Into Wealth: How Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Can Help You Clear The Path to Making More Money by Margaret Lynch. It probably also isn’t much of a surprise that I would be interested in making more money. Who isn’t?
In the past I’ve listened to programs from the EFT World Summit on money and wealth, and I’ll admit that although I heard them, I apparently wasn’t really processing the information. Even with this book, I picked it up at the library and had to renew it twice because I left it sitting on my shelf without actually reading it.
The timing must finally have been right because I started reading it. Soon after I was listening to the CDs from the 2014 Tapping World Summit, having pulled one out at random, and it was Margaret Lynch talking about tapping to get rid of energetic blocks against money and wealth. Wow! The word that comes to mind is synchronicity. Before reading the book I would have told you that I didn’t have any real blocks about money and wealth. I would have been wrong, but that’s what I would have told you.
One of the things I really like about the book is how approachable she makes this complex topic. There aren’t fancy business or finance terms to deal with. There are practical questions that are, in my case, right on target and there are detailed tapping exercises to deal with the emotional responses dredged up via the questions.
Two of the chapter titles jumped right out of the Table of Contents. The first was I Don’t Deserve More Money. I wanted to shout back YES I DO. Then when I worked my way through the chapter I found out that I had a bunch of hangups about worthiness and deserving that could be interfering with my ability to experience wealth and abundance. The other notable chapter title was I Refuse to Be Rick. Again, at first glance I was pretty sure that this one would not pertain to me. From comments I remember from my parents, religious teachings, and media references there were subconscious programs running in my head about wealth and wealthy people that were not particularly attractive or compelling.
Because of the overwhelming successes I have experienced and witnessed with tapping, I have complete confidence that if I do the work, the tapping will be successful. Would you like to create more financial abundance in your life? Get the book and start tapping.
Sometimes it is easy to eat a healthy diet, and other times — not so much! Here is a tapping sequence I’ve used during those tougher times.
The setup (tap on karate chop point). This dieting is getting really hard. Anything that is this hard is probably too hard for me. Controlling my appetite is hard. Controlling my cravings is even harder than controlling my appetite. Planning ahead is hard. Avoiding sugary snacks is hard. Reading labels is hard. Eating a healthy diet is getting really hard. I don’t want to do hard things. I want everything to be easy. I feel like giving up because this is hard. I acknowledge my frustration. I acknowledge my fatigue. I acknowledge my cravings. I acknowledge my appetite. I acknowledge my lack of energy and motivation. Most of all, I acknowledge that these feelings are okay and I’m okay.
Eyebrow…Dieting is really hard
Side of Eye…It’s too hard for me
Under the Eye…I feel like giving up
Nose…I want to eat more food than my body needs
Chin…I don’t want to plan ahead anymore
Collarbone…It is too much work
Under the Arm…It takes too much time
Top of Head…I want it to be easy
Eyebrow…I am really frustrated right now
Side of Eye…I am frustrated with my body
Under the Eye…I am frustrated with my metabolism
Nose…I am so tired of this
Chin…This dieting is so very hard
Collarbone…I am losing my motivation
Under the Arm…This dieting is getting really hard
Eyebrow…I don’t like these feelings
Side of Eye…I don’t believe I should really feel this way
Under the Eye…I’m supposed to enjoy everything all the time
Nose…There must be something wrong with me
Chin…I am trying
Collarbone…I haven’t given up yet
Under the Arm…These feelings are only temporary
Top of Head…It may be hard but I choose to remember that I am worth it.
Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Did anything shift for you? I’d love some feedback on this. Let me know how it worked for you.
Happy Tapping.
It seems to be quite common to reach for sugary snacks when our energy seems to be a little low. Unfortunately, eating that snack is unlikely to address the underlying problem that caused you to want to eat. Tapping is a great solution for low energy. Tap along with the video to get a sense of how to use tapping when your energy crashes. This tapping can also be found in Don’t Diet: Reprogram Your Weight With Meridian Tapping.
What is your mindset? Are you focused on scarcity or are you focused on abundance?
Begin by tapping on the karate chop point. Setup: I have a tendency to hoard things. Not like hoarding you see on television, but I sure have trouble throwing things away. Probably more important than that, I have the mindset that I need to save things in case things go wrong in the future. That mindset goes against what I know about the law of attraction. I know this must be a real issue for me because I don’t even want to look at it. I’ll take that as a sign that I have work to do on this. I choose to at least begin looking at this issue. I accept myself. I accept my feelings. And I accept my reluctance too.
Eyebrow…I have issues with abundance and scarcity.
Side of Eye…These issues may really be holding me back.
Under the Eye…If I am really using energy anticipating bad things happening
Nose…I am creating those bad things to some extent
Chin…Worrying about worst case scenario is my primary mode
Collarbone…I’ve always thought that by being ready for the worst
Under the Arm…I could handle anything
Top of Head…It is overwhelming to think about how that may be impacting me in the long run
Eyebrow…It certainly has gotten in the way of me enjoying the moment as much as perhaps I could
Side of Eye…I want to embrace this concept more fully
Under the Eye…I suspect it is going to take quite a while for me to really make those changes in my way of interacting with life
Nose…But even small changes can have a big impact
Chin…I’m still feeling some resistance here
Collarbone…I choose to be patient with myself
Under the Arm…I can sit here and tap on this issue until I feel more calm
Top of Head…I can tap on this issue any time I need to
Take a deep breath and let it out. What did you notice? When I did this tapping originally a lot of interesting messages came up including things I heard and experienced in childhood, news stories, and information from classes I’ve taken that have led to my previous views on this topic. If things came up for you, please write them down so you can continue tapping to release any negative beliefs that might be holding you back.
